These last few weeks has brought new awareness to me. In my zeal to live the life that would be pleasing to God, I began to rid myself of those who mean me no good. Those that were around who were not uplifting I had to let go. In my quest to do what is right and find favor in God’s sight, I realized something. The majority of the people that I communicated with, be it either in person or via email, I was usually the one who initiated the contact.
One week I decided not to send out any emails or contact anyone. I decided to see if anyone would email me or visit just to see how I was doing. I was slightly surprised at the results. Everyone who I emailed on a very regular basis, none of them, with the exception of one, inquired as to how I was doing. The one person who did, contacted me just to update me on all that was going on in their life and not one time asked how I was or what was going on with me.
In the midst of this, I realized how alone, not lonely, I really am. Although I do fellowship with the saints at the church I attend and speak to folk when I am out, isolation is there. I really felt it during this time. It bothered me a great deal. While speaking with a friend that lives in a different state about this, I realized that I was at a crossroad in my life. Either I could get used to being by myself or I could learn to live by myself while I wait for that person. This was something for me to really ponder.
On one hand, I realized that I have been myself for so long, that I really do not know if I am capable of living and being with anyone. On the other hand, I would very much like to experience love by someone unconditionally on earth at least once. After much deliberation, I made my decision, which to some of you should have been a no brainer, but for me it was a life changing and difficult decision to make.
If any of you have ever spent many years serving God and desiring to please Him, then you might understand how I feel. I have spent so much time in God’s presence and doing His will that I have not had the time to really reflect on my singleness. The moments where it hits home that I am by myself are so rare and occur for a very short time, that I really do not feed into the fact that I am alone and not married.
Now I learn with how to be alone.
For a little while longer.
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Ms. Williams:
I see you wrote this article "Alone" in 2005. Sorry I'm just reading it. I joined Faithwriters around November 2008.
I knew there was a reason for my discontentment of the Public Library. Faithwriters offers many heartfelt articles from faithfilled Christians. And I try to read several works of others a day, while making my own contributions too. I'm so happy to have these powerful resources to comfort and inspire me.
I too am alone but married to the Lord. Isaiah 54:5 So its far from the aloneness that people feel without Him. Be encouraged Dear Sister. Who knows maybe you're married by now. God Bless You.
