I am tired.
I'm in a pit
I have tried so many times to just give up and let You have it all......
Here I am again-giving up and letting you have it all...
I desperately need that new heart You said You're going to give out---somewhere in that letter You gave us. Take my old heart---here, God, take it. I don't want the hard old thing anymore. I so desperately need a new HEART. PLEASE? What do I need to do to get a new - soft - pliable - resilient - heart?
My old one has been shattered so many times. And I guess I've tried to wire it together with barbed wire and hide it --- I've tried to be tough and strong and so - so together, and I just can't do it anymore, God.
I just cAN'T TAKE CARE OF ME, ANYMORE!!! I SO DESPRETELY, DESPRETELY NEED YOU, GOD. HELP!!! HELP ME - PLEASE.
I honestly don't mean to be so independent. I keep trying hard to put You first, to make time for you - to wait on You. But things keep "calling" me, things keep distracting me. I don't even know how to quiet my soul....
I am afraid
Afraid of not having enough.
Afraid of being by myself all the time
Afraid of being with people - of not knowing how to relate to people.
Afraid of making people angry.
Afraid of completely giving up my desires
Afraid of having to go on day after day after day - the way things are.
Show Me, God, how to sit still long enough to really, really hear what You're trying to say to me.
Here, I am --- completely exhausted. But, please do it quickly, God. I have to be at work in just a little while.
Carol Shaffron c 2005
do not have instant messenger, and I meant to spell despretely just that way. Thank you for your critique. And God bless - abundantly.
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I have been in your situation more times than I want to admit. Someone told me that God is never early and never late. He is always on time. Be patient. Great story.
