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For you my Sons
by Cheryl Russell
01/29/05
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My boys I love you dearly, more than you'll ever know.
You've given me such joy my sons, my love with you shall go.
I feel you when your crying, my heart stings when your sad.
I'll be there always to clean your wounds, or scold you when your bad.

My thoughts are forever with you, whenever near or far.
Good intentions only in my heart, your lives I'll never scar.
With this my sons I give to you my never
ending love, my hopes, my dreams, my lifes
desire to fill your lives with love.

Love, Mom



If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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Member Comments
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Deborah Porter  03 Feb 2005
Cheryl, another lovely poem. I have a daughter and a son, so really related to your heart in this. The only critique I'd offer is that the rhythm is a little out in places, which makes the reader sort of trip a bit in spots. The first time was in this line, "I'll be there always to clean your wounds." Before that it had been flowing along to a certain rhythm and feel, but this line threw in an extra syllable and caused the trip. You could fix it with something like, "I'll clean and kiss your wounds always". The same thing happens with the first line of the second stanza, "My thoughts are forever with you." The trip spot is in the word, "forever", but it could be easily fixed by saying, "My thoughts are ever with you." Again, in this line, "Good intentions only in my heart", the "only" is the tripper. So to fix it, you could say, "With good intentions in my heart." Then the end bit flows well, but because it is a set rhythm and pattern of rhyme, you need to really keep the lines in the same format as the rest of the stanza. Last of all, you've used the word, "your" a couple of times where it needs to be "you're" (for "you are"). I hope this helps a bit. I wouldn't have mentioned anything if you didn't have your article marked as requesting a critique. Be encouraged though. I love your heart in your writing. It's beautiful. Also, because of my workload, I don't have the time normally to give this kind of feedback - and when I do, it's only ever to help someone with potential hone their skills. Keep writing and shining your beautiful light. With love, Deb




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