Teach me to do your will
For you are my God
May your gracious Spirit lead me forward
On a firm footing. (Psalm 143:10)
My new mantra. Let God teach me. How do I let go of my worries and fears? I am so possessive of them. I like to wallow in them.
I refuse to learn the lessons the first time they are taught. God has chosen to teach me many lessons over the years. I, like the thick-headed woman that I can be, refuse to learn the lesson the first time at the gate, or the second time, and sometimes even the third and beyond.
I suffer from the mistaken belief that I can solve all the problems myself and that I am supposed too. What I forget is that when I let God help me, through the Holy Spirit, that the results I get are much more satisfactory. It doesnít always happen immediately or the way I think it should. It happens in Godís time and Godís way. No amount of crying, beating myself up or worrying can change that.
So, how do I get this lesson through my thick head one final time. I start by praying, anytime, all of the time. I offer my day up to God as a prayer. Most mornings, as I start my day, I open up my bible and read. I donít just read the words, I make them a part of me, like my skin or my heart. Then I remember them throughout the day and whenever I can ,I pray, ďChange me Lord.Ē I also thank God for all I have. Some days, I just say a blanket thank you for everything, other days I get specific.
I pray for others too. In fact, I probably pray for others more than I pray for myself. God has enough love and lessons for all of us, and there are people who deserve it more than I. That brings up another issue. In Godís overall grand scheme of things, my problems are rather small. There are people, nations and worlds that are needier than I.
Finally, I confess. I say ďGod, what I have done does not contribute to or agree with what you want for me. I have disobeyed and disappointed you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. I will do better next time.Ē Some days Iím saying this prayer all day long (remember Iím thick headed.) Fortunately, for me God is a loving and forgiving God. He always forgives, giving me another chance to fly straight.
No, Iím not perfect. Iíve made many mistakes along the way and will make many more in the future. Lucky for me, God is with me. He picks me up, brushes me off and pushes me forward. Then he reminds me ďRemember, I love you child and I forgive you.Ē
Christina, bless you for humbling yourself to share this with us. We all go through this... every last one of us. There are some though, that will tell you they do not. Discernment will tell you that the same are Pharisees. :::wink::: PS Please, (for your readers) skip a space between paragraphs. It makes it much easier on the eyes.