Yesterday Scott was a newborn in the arms of a mother who wasn’t much more than a kid herself. Today he is an adult traveling up and down the east coast performing for children.
Yesterday Nicholas was a newborn in the arms of a mother who knew a little more than she had when Scott was born. Today he is an adult on the verge of graduating from college and starting his Masters.
Yesterday, Katie was a newborn in the arms of a mother so excited to finally have her little girl. Today she is a mother to her own little girl and starting her life as an adult.
Yesterday Ana was a newborn in the arms of a mother who was fearful of starting over again. Today she is a semi-independent three year old heading off on her first field trip. She is going without her mommy.
Twenty six years have flown by in a blink of an eye, and the blinks keep coming faster as each year passes. Many days I say “Hey stop the world. I want to get off and take a nap.” God laughs, the world spins a little faster. Where has all the time gone and how do I to make the most of the time going forward? How do I find time to breathe and enjoy the life God has given me?
There is an advertisement on television that says “Life comes at you fast.” There is a smiley emoticon on my computer with wide open eyes shaking his head in awe of the fact that life moves so fast. A popular country song tells me to “Live life like you were dying.” This is good advice. Maybe if I lived like I was dying I wouldn’t be so stressed and would enjoy my life a little more. I would stop and watch Ana growing up and experience the world through her eyes more often. Maybe it should say live like you were a three year old. Even Jesus in Matthew 18:1-6 implores us to become like children to enter the kingdom of heaven. All of this advice is hard for us adults to swallow. Yes, life does come at us fast, the choices we make, determine if we can breathe and enjoy life or be washed away in the tides of life while the smiley face just keeps shaking his head.
This week my baby girl went on her first field trip. She was going to a farm to pick pumpkins, see farm animals and go on a hayride. She was also going to ride a school bus, something she has wanted to do for a long time, and she was doing it all without Mommy. Mommy could have gone but said she had too much work to do. I used the excuse that Ana needed to make this trip without Mommy. That was just a justification for not going with my daughter on this trip. Like I said life is about choices and I made the wrong one. There is no doubt; I’d gotten a lot of work done. It’s what I missed that made my choice wrong. My baby was taking her first steps to independence, and I chose not to see the excitement on her face as she was exposed to new things and experiences. I chose to let my work deprive me of a wonderful experience.
I also find myself making choices that deprive me of experiences with God and Al. I often find myself choosing to work on my writing instead of spending time with Al or praying with God. I have placed my writing ahead of my relationship with my husband and with God. I say that Al is doing something and not spending time with me so I can do something to fill my time. I know I can’t give up my writing because I believe that God has called me to do it but I do need to learn how to balance time with my family and husband with my writing.
Now that Katie is getting her life in order and Ana is going to preschool a few days a week I will be able to make a schedule for myself. I will find a way to write and enjoy Ana and Andi, spend time in prayer with God and make time for myself and my husband. And even if Katie isn’t getting her life in order I can’t use her as an excuse to not get my life in order. The time is now and the opportunity has presented itself. I will go through the door that God has opened. Yes, life comes at you fast but I can chose to slow life down enough to live it. I will take time to create new memories to add to the old memories. My daughter and granddaughter will not remember me as someone who did not have time to watch them grow and experience life with them.
It is time to live like I was dying or live life like a three year old. The smiley won’t be shaking his head at me.