Brothers, I realize that you ‘may’ have heard about to why men cheat--from a feminine perspective. Since I have yet to read a man’s response (or examination) of this issue--(being the calm writer that I am)--I decided to put some thoughts on electronic paper and see if any of the brotherhood would salute--or at least say AMEN.
Thanks to the Women’s Liberation movement--plus some one or two decades of observation, it should be quite clear to ALL that women have the same capability and desire to cheat as men. If this were not the case, then why have we seen more and more instances of women educators seducing underage male students; more women getting hooked on internet porn, and more women ‘developing’ the capability of telling a lie?
Merely having a woman say that ‘All men are dogs’ won’t cut it today, my friend.
There are more and more ‘doggettes’ leaving the pound and taking their actions and antics into the streets and suites. We have read more than a few lines about sisters trying to tell men how exercise self control of the sexual kind--without dealing with their sisters Lolita, Delilah, Shaniqua and Jezebel. I figured that it was about time I got my tablespoon out, poured out a little ‘real world castor oil’ and say ‘Open Wide’ to those of the feminine persuasion who are in dire need of the same advice.
NOT HATING--BUT STATING!
Let it be said that I don’t ‘hate’ women--but the truth is the truth. One of the oldest trick that some people use is to claim you don’t ‘love them’ while you are telling them to keep their hands away from the stove.
Excuses are not going to fly this month! WE are going to ‘run’ a few scenarios or drills in this month’s column, as well as cite a few examples from the real world. Any resemblance between the sisters/sistahs used in this column--and any woman/women whom you may know--is purely coincidental.
No, I will not be using real names in my occasional examples. Yes, I will be throwing strikes. I may use a curve, a fast ball, or a slider. But you will be able to tell it’s in the ‘strike zone’ when you hear the ball smack the mitt.
Adultery, OOWs, and ‘shacking up’ involve TWO people. Yes, it is W-R-O-N-G! The Bible says it; God says it; even your distant cousin from South Carolina says it is WRONG. No, it’s not JUST the ‘man’s fault’. It takes TWO to DO! There was a woman around when the cheating began, and there was a woman on the scene when the deed was done. Sometimes, the woman involved is very intelligent, has money, a job, a house, a car, and a purse full of credit cards. Sometimes, the woman involved is bored, lonely, or feels like her life is passing her by if she doesn’t have some ‘mystery’ in it every weekend.
The end result is the same--SHAME!
NUMBER ONE: JEALOUSY!
Please keep in mind that I do not encourage ‘cheating’ of any way, shape, or form.
Please also keep in mind that I do not make a living as a counselor of any sort. I am a man, I have lived a few years to get some ‘Gray’ on my dome, and I have either heard the following stories or have lived long enough to have another brother ‘share’ a defeat, a lesson learned, or a ‘warning’ with me. I am not putting these items in any particular order, but here is the first item up for bids on The Truth--is Alright!
Debbie and her best friend Sheryie used to spend weekends up and down the strip until Debbie recently got engaged to DeJuan. Sheryie, of course, was told the news. Eventually, Debbie introduced DeJuan to Sheryie, after spending more than a few night-and-weekend phone sessions ‘talking him up’. How nice DeJuan was; how much money he made, and how nice he was. Sheryie kept hearing about DeJuan, and thought that he was too good to be true. She was a little sick of Debbie’s ‘bragging’.
A few more months down the road, and Debbie caught Sheryie in DeJuan’s bed.
After some heated words (and thrown items) the wedding was called off, DeJuan was ‘ejected’ from Debbie’s life, and Sheryie and Debbie went back to heading up and down the strip on the weekends, as if nothing happened.
In Debbie’s mind: “DeJuan was no good; but Sheryie is my girl!”
In Sheryie’s mind: “I told her he was no good--and I was right!”
Sisters; please don’t try to tell a brother that a woman is not capable of jealousy.
That would be saying that rain could fall…and not be wet.
NUMBER TWO: GOOD FOR THEE--BUT NOT FOR ME!
More than a few women believe that they are actually above the rules when they carry on workplace ‘relationships’. You know…when a FEMALE boss or supervisor decides to take a ‘long’ lunch with a male subordinate?
That’s a very unprofessional move.
In our modern era, brothers have gotten ‘hip’ to some of the games that women like to play on--and off--the relationship field. It comes as no shock to MEN that the workplaces of America have more and more sexual harassment rules built into many Employee Handbooks. Unfortunately, as men have been reading, women have feigned amnesia when it comes to these new policies in the shop, the office, and the corporate suite. Thus, when an ‘after hours romance’ surfaces in the office setting, and a woman has been found to be the aggressor, they are shocked to find that the hammer of social justice doesn’t care about the sex of the offenders; only about who had the better position to initiate--and maintain--the relationship.
When the gavel falls on a wayward female boss, we are starting to hear the sound!
NUMBER THREE: ‘BARELY A LIFE’ CRISIS!
Who drives the ‘lust in the dust’ book concession in the USA?
I’ll give you a clue--it’s NOT MEN! WOMEN drive the romance novel industry, PERIOD! As a matter of fact, it has become harder for the average person who has a good idea for a novel or book WITHOUT the ‘degrees of bending’ to get a book before a publisher. If it doesn’t have the heroine sans clothes by the middle part of the first paragraph, MOST publishers are not interested.
However, thanks to unchecked fantasy lives, more and more women have been ‘acting out’ with younger men--some of the as young as 13 or 14 years old. Some of the boys as young as seven or eight! Now, it used to be that sisters/sistahs would cruise the college or university campuses in hopes of ‘hooking up’ with a May/December-type ‘thang’. The rules have been revised, brothers. That ‘girl’ who may be calling your son up on his cell phone after hours to ask about an ‘assignment’ MIGHT be his very adult, anxious, teacher of the female persuasion. Check those call back numbers if you don’t want you son facing a very adult RAPE charge, because some sister did her ‘dating’ at the local playground. These same women can be ‘very convincing’ in having your son labeled as a ‘stalker’…even if THEY initiated the relationship.
Juveniles have NO legal capability to make adult decisions.
But, I digress.
We’ve heard the term ‘Mid-life crisis’ tossed around over the years whereby a supposedly ‘older’ brother has wanted to think and chase ‘young’. Never mind the fact that there are more and more women doing the same thing.
WE were/are the ‘bad guys’.
Here’s my antidote…and you can quote me.
The next time you read about some woman bedding a teenage boy (boy is a male under the age of 18 in many states) just remember that the woman was merely having a ‘Barely A Life’ crisis. Her ovaries have rendered her brain cells temporarily out-of-order!
NUMBER FOUR: AFRAID TO DECIDE!
Monica and Beverly are both in their late 30s to early 40s. Both of them have boyfriends. Both of their boyfriends have ‘hinted’ at marriage, but have not actually come out and said those magic words. Yet, Monica and Beverly have been blissfully setting up house--in their boyfriend’s town each weekend--in anticipation of the ‘someday’ event.
They’ve also been setting up male friends for bedding on the weeknights in their own home city. You see, Monica and Beverly work in one city, and ‘play house’ in another. Some of their male friends--married or single in their places of employment--have taken pity on these women. They have been listening to their sad stories of long distance relationships and loneliness. They have been trying to tell Monica and Beverly that their ‘Mr. Rights’ have been playing them for a fool. Meanwhile, these two sisters have been ‘confiding’ to every brother who will listen all sorts of intimate details about what their ‘finances’ have/have not been doing for them, eventually sweet-talking their friends into their ‘weekday rendezvous’. Meanwhile, at the same time, they are putting up the ‘front’ to the world the fact that they are in a ‘committed’ relationship on the weekends by their ‘being out of town’.
Monica and Beverly are clearly ‘double dip’ sistahs. They have a committed relationship, but want to ‘fool around’ because they know the commitment is far enough away from them in case they DO meet the ‘right man’ someplace else. Brothers, try to be kind to everyone…but watch how some women may take your kindness, and try to twist it into a ‘Booty Call’. More than one brother has gotten burned by double dippers--especially AFTER their wives “…didn’t quite trust Monica or Beverly…” or any of their cousins.
NUMBER FIVE: MANIPULATION--FOR DESTRUCTION!
Brothers, society is slowly starting to realize that the female of the species is quite capable in the arena of killing/destroying ‘just for fun’. The recent example where a woman traveled across state lines to murder a pregnant, female acquaintance, have the woman’s baby CUT from her body, and TAKE it back with her OUGHT to send shivers up the most manly of spines.
Believe it or not, this streak has surfaced before.
This is a trait which goes back to biblical times.
Throughout the pages of scripture, women have proven themselves adept at seeing or luring men to early funerals because of ‘questionable personal practices’. In our modern era, some women REGULARLY attend our churches. There are other women CALL THEMSELVES pastors or preachers, putting a ‘spiritual bent’ upon their after hours pursuits. Remember: Samson did not CUT his own HAIR!
The late E. V. Hill said it best: “A MAN needs to CONTROL his PANTS!”
Simply put brothers, there ARE women out there who want to not only deceive you, but destroy you because of your influence and position in the community. IF you are a force for good; IF you are ‘God’s man for this season’, then you NEED to NOT fall for the ‘Okey Doke’ from a woman with a good story and some tears. Jim Kirk ALMOST LOST command of the Enterprise because of a woman’s tears in one episode!
I realize that I left some material out, and maybe punched up other material. Nevertheless, WE need to understand that it DOES take two to tango. I merely attempted to let us ALL know about the female half of the equation.
While I totally am against a married woman committing adultery, I think that there is a huge problem with pastors and leaders in the church being a poor example of fidelity to the least.
I once heard my son-in-law's pastor tell him (in front of me sitting in the back seat of the car) how a pastor friend of his would stack up books at the pulpit to get a
look at the women sitting in the pews. They had a good laugh, totally showing me and other women disrespect.
(And surely on a Sunday, in front of the crowd, teaching how a man ought to cherish his wife, as Christ loves the church). I heard another young man teach that "women you'd better give your man what he wants, or he'll go looking for it somewhere else." And then in the next breath, he was saying how the women should be faithful to their man.
Feminism began because of this kind of duplicity, this kind of hypocrisy. While I don't agree with the extremes of feminism, this Christian woman is tired of leaders and their double standards, and the evil stress it causes for us women. I plan on doing a lot of exposing of this provoking evil.
To whom much is given is much required. Where are the leaders in the church getting together and calling a leader on the carpet when the guy (or gal) is in the wrong? If this were really in operation, a lot less harm would be occuring to the saints by the saints.
It's called accountability.
People "rebel" when you lay burdens on them too grevious to be born, that you yourselves wouldn't even do.
Yet, some pastors expect compliance while provoking people to sin.
It is a shame that in this day and time, when we all need a holy church to call home and feel TRUELY loved and welcomed, able to trust that those who rule REALLY have the flocks' best interest at heart (and not their personal agendas), that many have no place to go. Protocol hides underneath pride as leaders refuse to do their part to help bring suffering people to church, to call, to assist, or to give their time. Since when did bringing people to church become a position? The book of Revelation talks about the 7 churches and how one big problem is that they have forgotten their first love, Christ and HIS purpose.
Many churches should be ashamed for their haughty attitudes. The church is supposed to be for the sick, the sinner to be made well, to be given a new chance at life. Do you know that many pastors are deliberately holding back divorced women from serving God, practicing partiality? I was one of those women. I have been sober from Alcohol now for 17 years. A new drug addict man could come in the church and would be accepted immediately. He would be given work for the Lord and companionship with the elite of the church, mentors. Me, It was 7 years before I was allowed to do any service work in the church. And, I was disfellowshiped because I didn't fit in the little church box role (married on once, never an alcoholic, perfect to the T, having the right family associations).
Fellowship is critical for a Christian's survival and growth. What is going on?
Our society has so many broken families out there; how are some of them even going to have a chance of being repaired if the elite and God knows who are all judging them while they are trying to repent? Those children need for the divorced mom to have a chance to become a part of the church to relieve her of the stresses of the world, and enable her to be strenghtened in Christ to raise her child in God.
Maybe then, God can restore if the marriage should be restored.
I'm not a brother, but you got my "amen" anyway. This wake-up call is so needed! It's a lot more common than I think most men realize for a woman to cheat. (more than most women realize too) As for the romance novels, I believe women, for the most part, are just the more passionate of our species... which is exactly the way God intended it. But that's no excuse for cheating. And it does take two to tango. Excellent, thought-provoking article!