I am just writing this prayer to you to let you know that I love you more than anything in this world. Sure I could just pray and tell you these things, but I want to write it down. It helps me as I go back and read these words. It encourages me. I'm posting it on this website so that prayerfully it will encourages others as well so that they will understand that we must all go through a process. So that they will understand that although the process isn't easy, they can and WILL make it.
You know my heart Father. You that I am following You for life. I am committed to you for life. I will serve you for life. From age 7 to age 25, although I confessed you with my mouth, I was in the world. I was a hypocrite. I was lukewarm. I wanted a relationship with you so long as it did not cost me anything. I wanted a relationship with you as long as it did not keep me from doing things that appeased my flesh. For 18 years, I played the role of the harlot towards you. Thank you for your grace and your mercy. You've spent the last 5 years refining me and stripping me of my worldly ways. You have replaced my own desires with yours. You have humbled me by breaking me. The breaking process hurt but I'm glad you did it because it developed character in me. When you spoke to me recently and told me that you saw yourself in me, I got emotional. It let me know that you are paying attention and that all of the things that you are taking me through and are allowing me to go through is developing your character in me. You said you saw Yourself in me THAT day. But Father, I want you to see yourself in me everyday. I know that if you see yourself in me then others will as well. When people can look at me and not see me but see you.... God that's all I want. It's hard. The road is rough. And just when I feel that I can't take anymore, just when I feel I can't take another step, I feel you pick me up and carry me. I feel the strength of your strong loving arms. And while you are carrying me, you lay my head on your breasts and I feel your peace that I cannot even explain begin to overtake me. So much so that I begin to feel dizzy and lightheaded.
I never wanted to be a Prophetess. I wanted to be a band director. That's why I majored in Music Education. It was not on my itinerary to be your servant. Not for life. I wanted THINGS. When you called me I said no. I didn't think you could use me. I wasn't worthy. And then I was also afraid. I didn't even believe in women ministers. But I eventually said yes. I said I would follow you NO MATTER WHAT. I meant that. I counted up the costs before saying yes. I have been homeless 3 times since saying "NO MATTER WHAT" and then you gave me a home only to take it away again. So now makes the 4th time. My flesh is tired. My spirit is tired. Father, I can't say that I am not hurting right now. You know how I feel so I may as well just go ahead and say it. I look at my daughter, the gift that you have given unto me. She is five years old and I haven't been able to give her a crumb of the things I wanted to give her. Seems every year around Christmas time, we are going through. But when I look at her and start to tear up inside, I am reminded of how you feel about me. It's as if I can feel you tear up inside as you look at me as I walk through the fires down here on earth only to do your will. I know you love me and I know that you are in the fire with me as you have always been. You've opened up doors for me to be on television with people I could only dream of meeting. And you are doing it WHILE I AM IN THE FIRE. It just reaffirms that it's not my might, nor by power, but by your Spirit that you are working through me.
There are times that I don't even want to get out of bed because I know it means going through yet another day. But then your Spirit quickens in me and I find myself thanking you another day to even be alive and able to walk through the fires. I think about all of the times that I should have lost my life but you didn't allow it to happen. If you did, I wouldn't be alive today to be going through these things, so I have to be grateful. Grateful that I am not dead. Grateful that I still have breath in my body. Greatful that you are using me even while I am going THROUGH to minister to others. I know that our day is coming. I am thanking you RIGHT NOW, because the next house you put us in will be OURS. No one can move us out of it. I am claiming the airlplane for Faizah Imani Ministries RIGHT NOW in the name of Jesus so that I can fly around this world proclaiming what thus says the Lord. I am claiming financial prosperity RIGHT NOW in the name of Jesus so that we will not want for anything and so that we can be a blessing to others. I don't like not being able to buy shoes for a person that I see that don't have shoes on their feet. I want to be able to say, "come go with me so God can give you a pair of shoes." I know that our time is very near. That's the only reason the devil is trying so hard. He has turned up the heat seven times hotter than it has ever been. I am thankful that you are in this thing with me Father. I am going to fight the good fight of faith. I am running my course that you have set before me and I am going to FINISH it. I might be coming in with a limp and a couple of crutches but I am coming in. With your help Father.
So to the devil I say, GET READY GET READY GET READY GET READY GET READY because Faizah Imani is a SIRVIVOR. You should have killed me when you had the chance, but God has kept me and prepared me for such a time as THIS. AND FAIZAH IMANI MINISTRIES IS GETTING READY TO TRAVEL THIS WORLD TEARING YOUR KINGDOM DOWN, IN THE NAME OF JESUS, AND BY THE POWER OF THE HOLY GHOST.
Thank you for commenting on my poem, I loved this letter to God. I have done this also, written letters to God. I still have many of them and go back from time to time and read them. It tells me a lot when I go back and read about the place I was in when I wrote them. thanks for sharing this, it was wonderful.