I tried to tell Momma about the abuse
As I looked into her eyes
She was afraid of what I might say
And told me it was all a ruse.
Why did she take me to the doctor the next day
And ask if something was broken inside of me?
My momma had fear in her eyes
When she said, “you’ll be alright even though this day is gray.”
My Momma was afraid of my Dad.
He used to throw things and get mad.
Nobody knew the hell we endured
Or the fear we had.
Dad was depressed and angry most of the time,
So my Momma would send me to him to break his darkness in hopes that I would find the key that would unlock his heart
If I failed, then there was hell to pay.
Why did I love my Daddy so?
He seemed to hate me. He laughed and made fun of my body
He used to make me feel bad about crying over a tender movie scene.
He would put me in scary places and would set me up to take a fall.
I was used and abused, but my Momma said she didn’t want to know.
So I endured all alone.
I tried to tell Momma, but she was afraid.
So I grew up caring just for me.
I learned not to trust because
People don’t want to know.
It’s best to keep things in secret
Because the pain is so great.
Well, I am older now and not so many years ago,
I tried to ask Momma about the abuse.
Her words were, “If it happened then you
are the only one who knows.”
Momma told me all I needed to know. She knew.
She denied it. She abandoned me.
Momma, I tried to tell you.
Momma, I have felt all alone most of my life.
I have often felt I got switched at birth
Could these folks really be my parents?
All the things they did to me
Really imprisoned me.
Life isn’t easy. God has a plan.
I only see the pin hole,
but He unravels the scroll
I leave all to Him in His span.
I thought God carried a big stick ready to strike me if I failed.
It took many years for me to break the trail.
How could He love me? Why?
I don’t understand His love, forgiveness, and mercy in detail.
His love and care of me is unfathomable.
I know He was there all the time. I just couldn’t see.
I was just trying to survive in the midst of all the debris.
Thank you, Lord, for being there for me.
I tried to tell Momma but she was afraid.
My Daddy is gone now
Loyalty still hovers in my Momma’s stockade
She still can’t understand my pain.
I love my Momma, but she has left me to my own
Not understanding my pain
I tried to tell you, Momma, but you were afraid
What would people say?
I know you don’t have many tools to fight these memories,
But Momma know I told the truth
Your little girl was hurting
She needed you.
Now, a parent myself
I try to listen and support
I want my kids to know that I will defend them until I die
I won’t stand for abuse or lies.
Submitted by Carol A. Adams
Copyrighted November 2004
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