It’s me Judas, Judas Iscariot.
Why the expression on your face? I am sure you know me. Don’t you? …..Well, several things have been said about me. You have read the different versions of the holy writ and in different languages; they have all given you the accounts of what I did. I don’t exactly know where to start; the whole story of my life is just messy. From one error to another until I finally blew it. But I’ll just tell it anyway…I guess one or two wise guys might at least pick a lesson or two.
It is no news that I was one of the key followers of the master. I remember vividly, the joyous feeling of my heart when I yielded my life to Him. It was a refreshing and exciting experience. You know all my life, I had wanted to know the truth, the real truth, and there I was then, face to face with the truth. I gave up my secular ambitions and I decided to follow Jesus. Following Jesus was a great experience. You needed to see all the miracles he performed. I am aware that Mathew and John together with two other guys tried putting together their accounts of the life and ministry of the Master but I doubt it if they would be able to describe half the events (I have not read their accounts, you know I can’t read that book here). Anyway, there was no way you would see those signs and wonders that you would not believe…well you could say that I believed because of the signs…really I am not quite sure what exactly motivated me to eventually decide for him but, I am quite sincere that I believe He was the truth.
Eventually, He chose me as one of the core disciples. I honestly do not know what He saw in me. I was committed to him just as the other guys. At the beginning, we all never knew Him that much neither did we know the His purpose. We were just following Him. You know, it was just a great fun following Jesus,the miracle man. With time, the crowd started getting larger and larger; everywhere we went people were just willing to believe him. You can imagine the privilege of being in the inner caucus. As a matter of fact, there was a crusade we had that recorded more than 5,000 men…. Really we lost count of the women and children there that day, they were just too many. I was there, I served, the people respected us and they really had a high regard for us. We were the main guys you know. I enjoyed the attention and the glory.
I never planned being the “Betrayer”! Nobody ever plans to backslide anyway. A believer does not just wake one morning to discover he has slipped back. It is gradual. A series of unnoticed thoughts typically herald a Christian’s fall. These are innocent-looking ideas, harmless on the surface but precursors to a man’s destruction. Mine began shortly, after I was given the responsibility to become the Treasurer. As usual, I do not know why He chose me, but I was a very meticulous, very detailed and a generally careful person (I have even toiled with idea of working in the treasury before I met Jesus.) Perhaps, those factors were considered before he chose me. I really don’t know. As the numbers of followers increased, the revenue coming from gifts and general donations increased too, so I managed a large bag.
See, Jesus was not the type of person who bothered about what came in and what went out of the group’s pocket. Nobody knew exactly the money inside the bag apart from me. A lot of time, the money just stayed in my custody untouched for months as most of our basic needs were equally supplied without our having to buy anything. The first time that thought dropped on my mind to take out of the bag’s money, it was a war within me but it was like that thought awakened a terrible demon of lust within me. I could not rest neither could I sleep. The noise and pressure within my mind was overwhelming. That singular thought was the forerunner of the other dangerous and devastating thoughts that followed. After so much restraints, I decided to use part of the money.Well,I had the intention of returning it back though. But then after taking the money the forst time without anyone raising any dust, I repeated it the second time untill it became a habit.
I must say that I opened the door of my heart to the enemy and he came in fully. Despite all these, I was still ministering at crusades alongside other disciples, As a matter of fact, I was among the seventy that the Master sent out to preach the gospel. I prayed for the sick and they were healed, my words touched hearts and men were saved. But I was gradually slipping off; my heart was no longer in the teachings of the Master, but I did not grieve over my sins since I was still operating under the master’s unction. Nothing seemed to have changed except the continuous blackness that my heart experienced. As time progressed, some of the other disciples started noticing changes in me, one or two confronted me about their suspicion of likely mismanagement of the purse but I denied the allegations, they believed me or at least they never raised the matter gain.Things went on again as usual.
Things moved from bad to worse, I became an addict. I couldn’t stop stealing any longer; in fact, the desire for more money became overpowering. And so, when the Pharisees and the Jews approached me seeking an alliance to trap and arrest Jesus, with a financial inducement, I considered it and I was trapped,there was no single strength to hold back, I had negotiated my destiny, I had short-changed my future. I signed a deal with the devil himself. And I lost my privileged place at God’s eternal kingdom, forever.
No believer turns away from the master in a single day. Check it, he must have been habouring and toiling with some secret sins. Sins so secretly guarded that even the closest soul never finds out. But that is never forever, for times always come when the coded and shielded secrets of men are revealed. But God always give men countless opportunities to amend their ways instead, men have learnt to “manipulate” the grace of God presuming His mercy will always be there. But heaven will always try your heart and I will advise you to always pray like King David prayed for God to continuously search and mould your heart until you become more and more like His son.
I realized my error too late and when I did, another demon of guilt hung close to my heart such that I never thought of asking for His mercy. I did the unimaginable; I took an express root to eternal damnation. Well, You don’t have to end like me………you need to guard your heart…you need to seek counsel about that pornography problem and get delivered. You need to seek help as regards your lying and stealing crisis!Those occasional fornication and adultrous excursion should cease. Grace is still covering you up now, but that opportunity will not be forever….you need not end up as I did…or what do you think?
Dayo, what an interesting article! Yes, I believe that God is tired of being SHORT CHANGED. So many have fallen into the same trap as Judas. 1 Tim.6:10--FOR THE LOVE OF MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL: which while some coveted after, they have ERRED FROM THE FAITH, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. Sad to say to some churches it has become the numbers game to increase their finances. Blessings, Sharon
I enjoyed your interpretation, I think you are a very gifted writer, I would that more writers would walk along the paths of our diciples and and others in the bible and decipher what they may have been thinking...using the bible as their guide...this was marvelous!