Article... 'You Can Have My Soul, But Not My Marriage'
I would be the first to tell you that independence was deeply imbedded into me, even as a very young child. There is nothing wrong with being a strong, independent woman of character. However, there is a fine, fine line between being a woman of strength and a woman of pride and/or arrogance.
The Word of God leaves no room for argument or resistance. What parable do you find in Ephesians 5:22? There is no parable about it! It’s written plainly, so as to leave no question about its meaning to the reader. The same thing is written in Colossians 3:18. For the Lord to have told us twice, its message must be of dire importance. “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands!”
No, I do not believe that the Lord meant that we are to be as slaves to our husbands. Rather, we are to be willing servants to ALL people, especially our husbands. And husbands, likewise, should be as servants to ALL “men,” even to their wives. Submission and service are two totally separate things. A man can serve his wife without being in submission to her. Likewise, a wife can be in submission to her husband without serving him well. Sometimes, the best way to serve AND be in submission is to gently turn your husband from the error of his ways without taking over. And the way to do that? Pray for him and bite your tongue.
The head of household title belongs to him, sisters. The responsibilities and accountabilities that go along with holding that position also belong to him. There is a heavy, heavy burden on his shoulders to be held accountable as your covering. And when we stop being submissive to our mates, that burden falls on us. Wives, SUBMIT to your husbands... EVEN when you think they are wrong. When it all comes out in the wash, the accountability falls on him. We WILL be held accountable, as long as we are not in submission.
This is a hard word and many will resist it: The first sign that a woman has not submitted herself to the will of God is her refusal to submit to her own husband. Ouch! Think about it -- the last parts of those two scriptures are: “as unto the Lord” and “as it is fit in the Lord.“ However you submit to one, (the Lord OR your husband) is how you submit to the other.
Yes, that statement came from a strong, independent, intelligent woman who has submitted her life to the Lord’s will. And should the Lord bless me so favorably as to ordain a husband for me, (and it is my belief that He will) then I will live in complete submission to my husband, trusting the Lord that my husband will not confuse his role as head of household with “caveman - boss.”
I’m sure that you men have rather enjoyed this article. :::one cocked eyebrow::: Surely you didn’t think I would stop there? You can’t go picking and choosing scriptures as they suit your fancy. To see “submit to your husbands” as reason enough to think your wife should have no personality except to be at your beck and call, bending to your will, is PRIDE. And the Lord resists the proud!
In fact, the Lord loves your wife just exactly as she is, and so should you. You love yourself as you are. If you didn’t, you would work diligently toward changing who you are. Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Dissatisfaction with your wife’s personality can cause you bitterness. If you are dissatisfied, there is a way to gently tell her so without bruising her tender spirit. Better yet, prayer goes a long, long way. Or are you afraid that the Lord may show you that it is not your wife, but rather, it is YOU who needs to change? (Wives, bite your tongues... even if he’s wrong!)
Now, many of you may be wondering why a divorced woman thinks for half a second that she’s equipped to tell someone how they ought to handle their marriage. In the first place, if I’m divorced, then I was once married. It could be that I’ve learned from mistakes, both his and mine... perhaps neither of us were living in submission to God’s Word. It could also be that I am writing this from things I have been steadily learning from the Lord in preparation for the marriage HE ordained for me, rather than the one I jumped into with my eyes wide shut. Yes, I am fully prepared to live in submission to my husband, just as I live in submission to my God.
But trust... Ah! Trust is a totally different story. That’s something that the Lord has been working with me on. (See ‘The Dance Instructor.’) Laying your life, all your life, all your burdens, all your cares, all your wants, all your needs, all your desires, all your being into the hands of God is not an easy feat. Well, sisters, perhaps it isn’t a different story after all. Perhaps, just perhaps, submission is a result of trust. And as with submission, if you don’t trust the one, how can you say that you trust the other?
Seek His will, friends. His plan is perfect. Love one another in the Lord. With complete trust, place your marriage in His hands, just as you’ve placed your soul there.
© Joyce Pool
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An interesting take on trust. To trust means to obey, in obedience one learns to love, to be forgiving, to experience mercy and in appreciating mercy to show compassion, any marriage will last a lifetime under those conditions. Well written.
Very Well said! Oh how much I've missed! Thank you my dear, dear, sister. From one sister to another who knows with all certainty we are (both) being prepared for our husbands, whom's arms will be an extention of God's loving arms around us...this is timely...it won't be long, pretty lady...for neither of us! Hallelujah! Spoken like a Proverbs 31 Woman! Trust! If we can't trust our Lord in Savior, there is no way we can trust our husbands! Thank you, marvelous reading, YOU'VE OUT DONE YOURSELF!
Take it from someone who has been happily married for over 47 years, your advice is sound and scriptural. My husband and I have been "partners" in all we have done. My
Please forgive my kitten for sending the last unfinished comment. As I was saying, my motto has always been: "In honour preferring one another." It works both ways. If we keep Jesus first in our lives, and our spouse next, then everything falls into place as God intends it to.
Treava, This is the best article I have ever read on this matter. Your wisdom and insight as to Godâ€™s perfect will in marriage is almost miraculous in these times. It could only come to you from revelation knowledge. My dear lady, you are destined to bring the healing word of God to multitudes. You already have an audience of faithful readers who have been blessed by your God ordained knowledge, but I believe that you are called to a higher call, one that will reach a vast hurting generation. We have talked about this before. Let it rise! Much, much, much, love.
Wonderful words. I really enjoyed reading this. You truly write from an inspiration from the Holy Spirit.
From one strong willed woman to another, your words are so wise. Especially, when you say "bite your tongue and pray for your husband." There have been so many times when I have prayed when I have disagreed with my husband, "Please Lord take it out of my heart or take it out of my husband's heart,so that your will can be done." Because Jesus Christ is so precious to me, I find it much easier to submit to Him. And as He has always promised, He has always answered this prayer and one of our hearts is changed, so that we both agree. There are times when I fail to do this, but unfortunately, I am still learning the hard way!