I was remembering again how I used to make porcelain dolls, and all the process that went on behind the scenes before you could teach someone to 'make' their own doll to take home…and it reminded me of our love.
The trickiest part was also the first, and one learned only over time and Experience…you had a mold of the doll's head, which from the outside just looked like a large block of plaster.... but the inside contained the carved out details of the doll's face and the shape of the head.... it was made in two halves, held together with very large thick rubber bands.
You would pour the liquid clay into the mold, and here was the hard part to learn, you had to know just how long to leave it, before pouring out the excess through the small pour-hole. To make sure you had removed all the excess from inside, you would put a straw up inside the mold, and blow air into it, getting each extra drop of clay to run out.
The surrounding plaster of the mold would absorb the water from the clay, and make it stick to the inside of the mold...if you waited too long, too much clay would adhere, and the result was heavy and collapsed on itself from the sheer weight of it. If you didn't wait long enough, the clay would be too thin, and so fragile it would break apart in the mold.
That was how I felt before I met you.... an unformed person in the making, I'd tried to create myself over and over again, but I was always too thick or too thin, and my results were forever lacking. Too thin when I trusted in the wrong kind of people, and got trampled in the process, then went too far the other way, making thick walls no one could get through. I finally tired of the effort, and God saw His chance, He came by my side, gently put His arms around me, and gently offered to take over the job. I gratefully accepted, I knew what a mess I had made of my life without Him, and it was such a relief, just to rest and be healed as He set to work on my heart.
Once you learned to pour the clay and leave it just the right amount of time, it was thin, but strong, and when fired in the kiln, would come out with a translucent glow. Then you had the perfect foundation upon which to add all the colors to the face, the finished product was beautiful to behold.
God started afresh, and made me anew, pouring the liquid clay into His mold, He knew just how long to leave it there, and discarded all that was not part of His plan. He poured out the disappointment, the discouragement, the anger, for His clay was made of grace and love, and then, just to be sure all was new and just right, He breathed in His forgiveness and hope. When the mold had set just the right amount of time, He looked and saw I was ready.
I was not too thick to resist the life He planned, nor too thin to stay the course.... He then knew that I would survive being in the kiln, the heat of the time alone would bring, but after that time of testing...there I was, finally ready, translucent, with His glow inside...and then He brought me you, the gift He had planned to give me from the beginning...He'd saved the best for the last...and the gift was the sweeter, because I'd thought it was beyond reach...He'd given me back love and hope, and now I have pure happiness with you.
Trish, your love letters keep getting better! I have never made porcelain dolls, but have made many cloth dolls, many times as I was adding the details, I thought of how God forms and enriches the details our lives. Blessings. Rita