I don't understand life
And there's so many times I thought I did
I never meant to turn out this way
Now wondering why I was never a good kid
I don't know people skills
I don't know school
I don't know why God loves me
I don't know why I'm a fool
I was made this way?
Why would anyone want me
Some people say I'm cool
But maybe they don't really know me
I ruin lives
I testify
I was caught in the rye
I STILL wish I would die
I love when no one notices
I hate in hidding
My mistakes are like a huge book
With a small, blood red binding
I hate who I am
I might hate who I'll become
I regret what I say
And cry about what I've done
I bleed from life stresses
Sometimes I wish I could
I COULD make myself bleed once again
But that doesn't mean I should
I promised that I wouldn't
And I've kept to my word
But I do break people's hearts
And I'm not a good person despite what you've heard
Not a good person nor Christian
My eyes have focused down
I don't know what to do or say
And my heart begins to pound
My throat slowly tightens
My lungs swell my chest
I'm secretly suffocating
But to live I am trying my best
I DO get down on myself
Sometimes too hard
But how mean and harsh I am..
There's no pureness of words to guard
I guess all I have left to say, is that I am an inconsiderate, selfish, jerk of a girlfriend, friend, daughter, and what ever else I'm labled under. I get myself stuck in situations I can't get out of. I let people push me around and treat me badly because I think I'M wrong. But yet, most of the time, I am. I don't know what to do with my life, and I don't know what I'd do with out Christ or Lance IN my life. I love them and need them.. and if they left me I'd die. I screw up and make mistakes and try not to lie. I screw lives up and say the wrong things. In a way, so to say, I've cut to deep and this is when it starts to sting. It's like vinegar and salt in a wound. I love, but I end up making those people hate me. I don't know what else to say.. I can't help but hate myself. It's unattractive and stupid. But I know it's stupid.. I am stupid.. this is stupid.. and I don't know why I posted this..
Goodnight Dear Lord, have mercy on me and the others in the path of my destruction train.
Read more articles by Nicole Ingwersen or search for articles on the same topic or others.
Well I think you are a very brave "girl" to post here. At least it took bravery for me to post my poems. Have you thought that perhaps God is leading you to write and post to touch another life....and all because he thinks you are pretty special and he has a wonderful calling on your life to touch others with your heart thoughts...and ultimately, your words? Keep writing! Keep posting!!
