I Promise Not to Tell
By Brenda Weber
Book Review by E. Dian Moore
At 4:00 a.m. I finished the last of 150 pages. Pages that were stark in their honesty and gut-wrenching with their truths.
Brenda Weber shares her story of inherited molestation and abuse that began at the age of four and continued in one form or another well into her adult life. Not until her son, also molested, and also an abuser, is found out, does she realize the pattern. She is not alone.
This book is very important. Woman AND men who have ever experienced abuse, sexual or otherwise, will recognize themselves on every page.
Too many times, society inflicts its beliefs on the survivors of abuse, leaving them to feel helpless, hopeless and sometimes, to blame. With I Promise Not to Tell, Weber unveils the truth behind these damaging behaviors.
It's a curse thing. It's a generational-curse thing. It's an inherited thing. Whatever society might want to call it-abuse is a bad thing. And unfortunately, the people who experience abuse go on to be abused more, and sometimes become abusers themselves. They also might pass on behavioral traits to their children, one of those traits being how to be a victim. Victims can become both victim and abuser.
As we journey with Weber along her incredibly honest path of discovery, we learn that her mother was abused. In a flashback, Weber is astonished to discover that she, herself, was molested at the tender age of four. Her subsequent relationships start badly and end badly. She doesn't get it-until she DOES get it.
Readers who have never experienced the cycle of abuse will be irritated with Weber for not making right choices; for playing the victim; for accepting abuse and running from one bad relationship to another.
It is my hope that those same readers, people who have never experienced the cycle of abuse will finally realize that the person inside the storm can't see outside the cloud.
My mother could be the woman in this book. Right down to the bad choices in men, the repeated bad mistakes, and the false hope each new relationship brings. Right down to passing along the behaviors, especially those of being a victim.
Unfortunately, my mother died without realizing the full dynamics of the demons imposed upon her. We still don't know who it was that molested my mother; she never gave a name. But we do know it affected her life, and the lives of her children. Three out of four children have been divorced. The two girls have made repeated bad decisions concerning men. I am one of them.
Bravo, Ms. Weber! Thank you for taking the blinders off and letting the world see the truth.