Marriage
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For the last fifteen years (our entire married life) we have spent much of our time and energy worrying about one problem after the next within our extended family network. We have spent time and energy trying to fix what we could not and cannot fix. Unfortunately, it placed a strain on our marriage and we have struggled and are still struggling to develop meaningful relationships with those family members.
Why have we spent so many years trying to mend broken relationships? Simple! We believe family matters. It is important to develop and maintain family connections. God placed us in families so we can have the necessary support needed to thrive. Within the family setting is where we get our 'happy ever after' values. When families aren't united, it puts a strain on other relationships.
Many marriages suffer and often end in divorce, not because the couple no longer love each other but very often because of the external issues affecting the development of their relationship. We both came into the marriage with deep rooted issues from our past that neither of us were aware of until we became parents. We had no support dealing with those issues and our marriage took a downward turn. We felt alone in our struggles and began to drown. It would have been easier to walk away from the marriage rather than to try and deal with the issues but that's what love does--it exercises patience. Love endures!
I believe that married couples or those currently making a decision to walk down the aisle dream of their 'happy ever after'. However, very few of those couples realise that it takes digging deep and cleaning out the mess, throwing out the garbage and making room for improvement to see the manifestation of that dream. Only then can the ugly depart and the beauty begin to shine. Equally, few of us have the foundation or the willpower to endure hardship, without the support of close relatives and friends. Therefore, many marriages dissolve and those couples never get to experience their 'happy ever after' and that is the real crisis that marriages face today.
'Happy ever after' is realised only after the hard work is accomplished. 'Happy ever after' comes after all the flaws are revealed and your partner is willing to accept you with those flaws but loves you too much to accept that that's the final version of you. Instead, he or she shows that love by labouring with you in replacing the ugly with beauty. That is the kind of love we celebrate during Easter. The Easter story is one of salvation. Christ did not come to condemn the world--He came to save it. He died for us so that we might live.
In the sermon on Sunday 29th March 2015, we were looking at the beauty of the empty tomb. I noted that there would be no celebration today, if the tomb was still closed and the body went through the process of decomposing. It may feel like your marriage is dead right now but I would like to encourage you not to let it decompose. Jesus is still bringing dead situations to life today as He did with Mary and Martha's brother Lazarus. But like Lazarus you must respond to the voice of Jesus calling you out of the grave.
Don't Give Up!
'Happy ever after' is not fairytale. True happiness comes from a labour of love. Don't throw away your 'happy ever after' because you're experiencing difficulties and others tell you that 'happy ever after' does not exist. Look to the cross where Jesus died then see the empty tomb where He was buried and was raised to life for our 'happy ever after'. Recognise that it took a life of service, selflessness, and sacrificial giving, before we could receive that life He died to give.
You may be struggling in your marriage and you cannot see a way out. I want to encourage you not to quit. Don't give up on your partner. This is just for a season of your marriage, it won't last forever. Like all the other struggles you've had to endure, this too shall pass.
When you give up on your marriage partner, you are giving up on yourself and your children. Embrace a life of service, selflessness and sacrifice, allowing God to breathe new life into your marriage. Look out for the other person's need above your own and it will make a difference to the direction of your marriage.
Look to the Scriptures for guidance:
Ladies: our husbands need us. In Genesis 2:18, 'The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." ' Therefore, we must be there for our husbands emotionally as well as physically, helping them to be their best. We must allow them to exercise their leadership role in the home, it's where they shine best. God bestowed that gift upon them. Our purpose is to serve--to help our husbands recognise their true potential and walk in their destiny.
Men: your wives need to feel your presence. Don't just be there physically. Your mind needs to be present also. She needs that security in order to effectively operate in her service role. Treat her with respect, provide for her and preside over your family like a priest. God gave you that authority. If you have released that to your wife you may be feeling emasculated right now and therefore, you need to take up your responsibility once more. It is never too late to reclaim your rightful place in the home. See Ephesians chapter 5 for instructions on how to love your wife.
Operate within your calling:
When we operate within our respective roles as appointed us by God, our homes become a happy place (a healthy environment) for our love and our children to grow and thrive in. That's when we begin to experience our 'happy ever after' and our children get to have a great platform from which to leap. Be bold! Go after your 'happy ever after'! You can do it! Just step out in faith and reach for your goal. It's a journey. Enjoy it!
Here's to your happy ever after!
Love & Blessings!
____Edited 23rd September 2015.
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