I Feel Rejected
by Annagail Lynes
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When I was still in my mother’s womb, my father told my mother repeatedly that I was not his child. He accused her of sleeping with someone else because, in his humble opinion, he couldn’t have children.
It didn’t matter to him that I have his eyes, his mouth, his mannerisms. As far as he is still concerned, I am not his child.
People would say, “You look just like your mother,” but when I showed them a picture of my father, they marveled, “But oh, do you look like your father!”
Throughout my life, I have been fearful, full of worry, guilt and anxiety. I had a poor self-image and felt hopeless, defensive and distrustful. I always knew I was different. I didn’t fit in and gravitated toward being alone, reading, writing, watching TV.
I knew something was wrong with me. After a fight with my mother, one day, I cried out to God, “What is wrong with me?” I had asked this question to Him many times before, but this time, He led me to a small booklet by Derek Prince on the root of rejection.
He described the symptoms that people with a root of rejection has, such as defensiveness, fear, escapism, perfectionism, being judgmental.
I mentally checked off the symptoms I had in my head, and looking over the list, a light bulb went off in my head. This is it. This is why I am the way I am.
In the book, he said that root of rejection can take place in the womb from fathers and/or mothers who do not want the baby. So it was in my case.
I felt that I was being rejected at every turn. In my writing. In my relationships with my parents. In my relationships with my friends and boyfriends. At some point, right after one of my former boyfriends broke up with me, I shut down.
I made a decision unconsciously that I was going to reject people before they could reject me. I became a recluse. Not wanting to be involved with people. Not at church. Not at school. Not at work. Not in life.
But one day, I looked around and realized I had no relationships to show for my life. I was alone. And although I was fine being by myself, I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life like that.
The root of rejection had taken over my life. It had been my constant companion, and I felt God urging me that it was time to let it do, to deal with it.
Have you ever felt rejected? Go through the following symptoms
[ ] Rebellion
[ ] Anger
[ ] Bitterness
[ ] Guilt
[ ] Inferiority
[ ] Poor self-image
[ ] Escapism (daydreaming, drugs and alcohol, watching too much TV, sleeping a lot)
[ ] Judgmentalism
[ ] Poverty
[ ] Fear of all types
[ ] Hopelessness
[ ] Defensiveness
[ ] Hardness
[ ] Distrust
[ ] Disrespect
[ ] Competition
[ ] Jealousy
[ ] Perfectionism
How many of these symptoms did you have? If you had a lot like me, you may have a root of rejection.
When I found out that what I was suffering from was a root of rejection, I was happy. Not because I had a root of rejection, but because I now knew I was not insane. I had a cause to why I was acting the way I was.
So how do you overcome a root of rejection? Just like with a plant, or tree, that has rotten roots, you must uproot them.
You are a child of the Most High God. And as such, you are redeemed from the root of rejection. Jesus took it on the Cross when He died. Not only did He die for your sins but for your sicknesses, infirmities and curses.
The root of rejection is a curse. And you are redeemed from curses.
How do you overcome a root of rejection?
- Accept that you are redeemed from the root of rejection.
- Make a decision to stop your self-defeating behavior. You have to constantly be watching what you say and do. Make this a Holy Spirit project, and ask Him to remind you every time you say or do something that is feeding into the root of rejection.
- Replace that self-defeating behavior with positive behavior. Do this by renewing your mind to the Word of God. Dig through the Word and see what it says about you. Write out a list and read them aloud throughout your day when you are alone. A great booklet that has them listed for you is “In Him” by Kenneth Hagin.
- Be patient. Renewing your mind is like watering seed. After you plant your seed and water it, the plant does not spring up overnight. It takes time to grow.
The root of rejection is just a name. The Bible tells us that the name of Jesus is above every name. Every name has to bow its knee to the name of Jesus, including the root of rejection. Praise the Lord!
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Annagail, you are so not alone! It's amazing how many people deal with the same thing. The main thing I struggled with was perfectionism to deal with my own feelings of rejection. Fortunately, the Lord has brought me a long way. I still have my days, but God is so faithful! Well written article.