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Jr Hypochondriac
by Teresa Lee Rainey
09/03/04
Not For Sale
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Jr. Hypochondriac
Written by: Teresa Lee Rainey
(Individual Stand-Up Performance by Pre-Teen Boy)

{(Optional) Narrator: (Can quote Proverbs 3:5-6) This is an example of a young man who has not yet learned to trust in the Lord:}


(actor walks in, pauses at mike, then pitiful) I woke up this morning in an awful lot of pain. My left hand was throbbing and my fingers were convulsing. I went down to the kitchen to find Mom and told her as calmly as possible. . .

“I THINK I NEED A DOCTOR! I’M GONNA LOSE MY ARM!”

Then she lovingly replied

(girly voice) “Calm down, sweetheart.”

That’s what she calls me ‘cause she knows I’m soooo sweet.”

(girly voice) “You’ve got nothing to worry about ‘this time’. Your hand is asleep.”

“Oh.”


I get hurt a lot at school.

(flirty) I really like the school nurse. She understands me. She says I’m neurotic.

I know. It’s a curse.

My teacher fusses all the time. . .

I don’t like her.

She calls my Mom a lot. Mom tells me

(girly voice) “Sweetheart, you don’t know how embarrassing this is.“

(serious) I do know.

When I was at recess yesterday, my friend slugged me really hard. All I did was tell him I have sporadic tendencies.

(serious) He completely misunderstood.

He said he heard me tell him that his sister had fleas.

Today Dad took me to the local clinic.

(stage whisper) He didn’t want to, but I my chest was hurting really bad and Mom said I might really need to go this time.

Doc was really nice when he asked me what was wrong. But Dad answered him all cynical like.

(man voice) “He says he thinks he’s having a childhood heart attack.”

But Doc stepped in to defend me real quick and told Dad. . .

(man voice) “Oh no. Your son is a hypochondriac.

******
[optional]


(seriously) I told Doc, “I knew there was something wrong with me. They wouldn’t listen, but I’m glad you see.”

Doc gave Dad a pitiful look and handed him the bill. Dad said

(man voice) “We won’t be back.”

Then Doc told him

(man voice) “I think you will.”


Now that you’ve heard my story, I know you’ll understand. Dad just left my room. We had a man-to-man talk. He said that I am imagining all these things are wrong with me.
That’s why - right now - I’m - hyper - ventil - ating!

(scream, arms flailing, running off stage) “MOM, - CALL - 9 - 1 - 1 !!!




If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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Member Comments
Member Date
Teresa Lee Rainey 03 Sep 2004
Hi. Just wanted to let you know that I wrote this for my 11-year-old son who will be making a video for Missoula Children's Theater tryouts next year. Please let me know if you think it is funny, or if you see anything that can be improved. He & I crack each other up, but I'm not sure other people get our humor. Thanks, Teresa
Lucian Thompson 03 Sep 2004
It made me laugh!




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