Why Terrorists Can't Get a Date
The Lord saw that the wickedness
of man was great in the earth.
"Ya know what the PROBLEM
with that Iraq-thing is,
"Well, first of all I'm outta
ice cream. It's been so
damn hot after work that
I don't feel like stopping
at the store. It's like
a hundred and fifty degrees here
in the afternoon, right now. I get
home and I'm mad at myself that
I'm outta Coke & chocolate
"Anyhow....gosh, I wish
I had some pretzels to
"You don't need any that,
"That's easy for You to
say, LORD. But You're Up
There! Down here, people
get the munchies."
"Anyhow.....Ya know what
the PROBLEM is, with
can't get a DATE."
"That is perhaps one of their
issues, Mein schmickt'ka'lah."
That's why they keep
kidnapping all these women,
and running around those
weird mountains, and capturing
The problem is they aren't
attractive to women, and
they know it. That is why
they're causing so much TROUBLE."
"What do you propose,
"Well......why do I HAVE
to fix EVERYTHING?
Can't YOU do SOMETHING,
child. I Am listening
to you, at the moment."
That's really gonna solve
all the problems of the
Icey* People need to do
is try taking a bath. I mean, all
they do all day is run around
filthy and dirty, chasing
these poor women and children
around those Iraqi mountains,
and living in caves. They never
shave, or take a shower,
or put on men's cologne. They need
to trim their nose hairs, tweeze
their eyebrows, and stop picking
their noses in public (outside the
cave). They're always jumping up
and down, and screeching like
the apes that evolved right before
them (maybe about 2 minutes before),
and that doesn't really draw the
opposite gentler sex, either. I
think some women like that
guns & bombs over the shoulder-
look, but it's the lack of
personal hygene that will
turn any Earth-woman off."
That is the issue,
I'm tellin' You, LORD,
these guys just need to take
a bath and shave some of those
raggedy beards off, and their
lives would take a much better turn!
They could register with Terrorist-
eHarmony, and meet some Terrorist-chicks."
"Oy vey z'mir."
"They could take selfies, and post
them online, and fill out those
profiles, and meet some nice ladies!"
"I don't think they're interested
in that, Mein bubbe."
"Oh, heck! All men are! They just
have low self-esteem, LORD!
They need to just spif themselves
up a little, and get a job so they
can take some ladies out on a DATE,
and they'd stop runnin' around
the countryside chasin' everybody,
and causing havoc."
"What does ISIS stand for anyway?
IDIOTS SWIMMING IN quick-SAND?"
Every imagination of the thoughts of his
hear were only evil continually.
*Icey? Icis? ISIS?
It' sounds like the name
of an evil people from the
Planet Ice'nick, in a
Steven Speilberg movie.
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