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Still Fighting, Still Searching
by J LD
07/15/14
Not For Sale


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When I was an orphan, I experienced my first touch of death when it came to me in my sleep, in the form of a very dark shadow in a dream. Since then, it's tried to take me throughout the years, and it would always appear from behind me. I could never see it, but I could feel its presence in my dreams and it would always be in the form of a dreadful shadow or some dark shadowy figure. It would snatch me from behind and grab me by my shoulder or from the back of my neck and try to drag me away. It was a very strong presence and whenever I felt it's touch, immediately, a very heavy sleep feeling would come over me in my dream- a type of heavy sleepiness that was difficult to overcome.

There was no doubt in my mind that it was this shadowy or dark figure that took the lives of my brothers and sisters who died in their sleep. And even though I always saw it as a very dark presence behind me, I only got to see its face once and that was when I was still an orphan and when God was teaching me how to overcome death. Before I began hallucinating or seeing strange things in the orphanage, my very first hallucination was when I found myself in a bright white room, as bright as it could be, with this hairy creature chasing me. And it would always occur whenever it was time for bed. 

When God implanted wisdom in my common sense, I just knew the only way to overcome this demon was by facing it. Whenever I experienced this hallucination, there were no doors nor windows to escape- so, I figured it was God's way of giving me no other choice but to confront it and learn to overcome it. Whenever I looked at the beast in its eyes, it would freeze, as if it remained frozen still but whenever I would look away from it, it would start chasing me again, as if coming back to life. I used this lesson that I learned from that experience to chase away the dark figure when I continued to experience it coming to me in my sleep throughout the next 23 years. I only got to see its physical form during those hallucinations, when God exposed it, in order to teach and train me (or maybe God made it appear to be like a physical form for the sake of learning, if in reality, it doesn't have a true form). But afterward, it always came to me in the form of a very deep, dark, shadow figure, and every time I forced to turn my head around to try to look at it, it would disappear. The more easier it became For me to escape death, the less strength it had of its hold on me. Then, it shifted its form and came to me in other forms instead of pure darkness- for, I no longer feared darkness.

It's not easy overpowering a very heavy sleepy feeling but it was the only way the angels told me I would survive. In some dreams, they even had to help me by holding my eyes open with their hands to help me fight the heavy sleepy feeling until I wasn't sleepy anymore or until I woke up. As I grew older, it occurred less and less and eventually, a year would go by when I didn't experience it trying to take me in my sleep and afterward, two years, then 3 and now, it's been almost 5 years. When I began to witness it coming to me in my sleep in different forms the last few times I experienced it trying to take me, I finally came to understand how Death tries to take a person's life and why God gave me that first hallucination that robbed me of my sleep for many weeks. Fear is the number one killer under the sun- it puts the most stress on a person's heart, to the point of robbing them of their pulse. Scientifically, I assume this must mean that our body produces a certain type of hormone that is poisonous to our own health, and is formed by the pineal gland, causing us to become far more sleepy than normal, to the point of causing the brain shut down... Maybe.. It's a theory. 

The artwork I wrote about of the Anunanaki, of a figure holding a bucket in one hand while holding a pine cone in the other, was the ancients trying to explain how God communicates to mankind. When I told you that Dreams are a form of a universal communication/language that God uses to talk to ALL mankind, it is true. Melatonin is formed by the pineal gland. The artwork of the Anunanaki depicted a figure (either a man or an animal with a man's body), holding a bucket in one hand and a pine cone in the other pointing to a tree of life is symbolic. The artwork says that the pineal gland, which is shaped like a pine cone, soaks up God's Wisdom so that the melatonin it produces will reveal God's message to us through dreams. The bucket represents the messenger carrying the dream/message and the dreamer would then go out to educate or pass on the message to others and that's how God has used mankind as prophets since the ancient days.

The pineal gland is like a clock for the human body, literally and it produces melatonin in order to keep us in uniform with Night and Day by causing us to fall asleep when it's time for our body to rest. The production of melatonin often becomes less as people age, which is why most of the elderly tend to go to bed later or wake up much earlier than usual. But in young adults, especially children, melatonin is produced moderately. However, when people die in their sleep, I begin to wonder, with the knowledge I have now, that their death is probably caused by an overproduction of melatonin in their pineal gland. But what would cause the pineal gland to produce an overabundance?? And then it hit me- FEAR.

When we sleep, our heart slows down and it is at its slowest and it is so, in order for the organ to rest in accordance to the circadian rhythm. But if our heart pumps fast while we are asleep, it is not resting but overworking, so the pineal gland thinks the body is not asleep and so, produces more melatonin (such is my theory). And since I know from experience that there is nothing that gets our heart pumping faster than fear, when we have nightmares, I assume the pineal gland is just doing its job to make sure we sleep when we're supposed to, and will produce more melatonin, to the point of overabundance, thinking we are awake when we are already asleep! It is the only thing that could scientifically explain why I felt an overwhelming sleepiness coming over me while I was already sleeping.. Otherwise, maybe I really did confront a demon. Hmmm. People die in their sleep all the time, but if my theory is right, maybe there is a way to stop this from victimizing others. I'd like to think God helped me to survive for a reason.

"In loving memory of my brother and sisters- I haven't forgotten you nor will I ever. Still trying to find a way to destroy the thing that took you."


If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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