Whether my next marriage is in a year or years from now, I want it to be as joyous and peaceful as it can be with Christ as its foundation. In the meantime, God has been helping me un-doo all the ‘doo doo’ that had deposited itself in my heart and mind.
Soon after the Lord began taking me through my healing process, He incorporated helping me understand my importance and worth to Him into our Holy Spirit therapy sessions. This has been the most difficult part of the journey for me – some very nasty lies about me came to live in my heart and mind. In order for me to use wisdom and discernment in choosing a husband, these lies had to get tackled.
Normally, kids don’t like it when their parents keep repeating themselves nor do parents like to do the repeating, but as His kid, I welcomed the repetition. I was a tough case, but my relentless Father kept at it, year after year, leading me to just the right places in His Word, just the right messages, just the right books, just the right encouraging person, replacing lies with truth.
Once I gained some strength and ground in my heart and mind with His help, He wanted me to learn how to fight the lies. This is a verse that the Lord showed me early on in my walk with Him, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Ephesians 6:12).
The spiritual forces of evil wanted to keep me chained to my broken brain, prisoner to their lies and all the lies I’ve ever been told about myself.
If we didn’t need a weapon in this world, then God would have never provided one. This is one of my favorite verses, “His Word is LIVING and POWERFUL and SHARPER than any two-edged sword” (Hebrews 4:12). God wanted me to know that in this earthly realm, I would always need the powerful weapon of His Word to make my way to wholeness. “We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments“ (2 Corinthians 10:3-4 NLT).
If a demeaning or tormenting thought would come into my head, I would come against it by praying His Word.
God loves to do a new thing. It’s why Jesus laid down His life – to make all things new – so we can hit the ‘refresh button’ in our lives if we so choose. Just as God breathed the breath of life into the first man (Genesis 2:7), He, through Jesus’ death and resurrection, once again began to breathe a new breath of life – His Holy Spirit – into us. “But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you” (John 14:26 NKJV). I know with certainty that I have received this breath of Life. “The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children” (Romans 8:16 NIV). I was blind and now I see (John 9:25 NIV).
The very fact that He chose to make me His dwelling place even when I was still a train wreck was evidence of His love for me. I was a sometimes agnostic, sometimes atheist, until I found myself in the most desperate place of my life – I needed God to be real so He could protect my then infant son from his own father. By His Spirit, He was drawing me to Himself (John 6:44) – the formerly-messed-up-blaspheming-lying-sailor-talking-God-denying me. And thankfully, when He knocked this time, I opened the door.
Knowing my worth to God is vital to my preparation for my one day marriage. God has a good purpose, plan, hope, and future for my life (Jeremiah 29:11). If and when God adds a husband to that plan, my Adoring and Protective Father, wants a godly man in my life who cherishes, affirms, and confirms all the wonderful things He has to say about me. And as a single mom, if it’s sooner than later, this man would also affect my son’s plan.
I won’t have it all together at the altar, but this is about prevention and God’s loving protection over me and my son. If I let Him, He will teach me all things, and bless me for allowing Him to lead. He wants my eventual new marriage to be a blessed one, better than I can even imagine (Ephesians 3:20). Also, my choices come down on my son’s head, and as my child’s earthly protector, just like God, I want what’s best for him too.
A Closing Prayer:
Lord, I ask that You continue to help me grow in the knowledge of my worth to You so that I never again settle for a man who disregards and abuses me. I thank You for working with me all these years to get me to a place where Your Word and what it says about Your children has become rooted in my heart and mind. I’m not where I want to be yet, but You’ve shown me I can pray Your Word and cry out to You any time I need to. Father, lead those who need healing to just the right places in Your Word and begin or continue their process towards wholeness and getting set free from strongholds in their hearts and minds. I thank You that You make all things new. It’s in Jesus’ name I pray, amen.
My dear one who is precious to God, please do not settle for less than God has for you. Know your worth to Him. He wants a man in your life who will honor and cherish you.