Not For Sale
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The first thing that comes to mind when I think of marriage, or, in my case, remarriage is – How am I preparing ME for marriage? I’m a single mom in my late thirties with a history of some more-than-really crummy relationships, including one horribly abusive marriage.
I’ve been a single mom for several years now, and the Lord has brought me to a place where I enjoy being single and have peace about it. But there’s still a desire in my heart for remarriage. I don’t know if it’s a ‘someday I’ll remarry’ desire or something He will surprise me with in the near future, but it’s there. Only He knows the answer. God does say, “Two are better than one” (Ecclesiastes 4:9 NIV).
This journey of preparing ME for remarriage must include the life or death essential component, inviting the Lord along for the ride with Him in the driver’s seat. Jesus is “the Way and the Truth and the Life” (John 14:6 NIV).
For the first twenty-seven years of my life, I lived (or un-lived rather) without asking Him for guidance and tough consequences often followed, so I’m not going there again. After twelve years of walking with Him, I wouldn’t do life any other way.
His Word says, “Pray about everything” (Philippians 4:6 CEV) and that’s what I decided to do.
Lord, am I even ready for marriage?
A few years after I became a single mom, when I was still a young follower of Jesus, I thought maybe God would bring me a wonderful godly husband when my son was still a toddler, he’d love my son as his own, and we’d live happily ever after – with me being a stay-at-home mom and plenty of time to write.
But God loves me too much to give me what I want when I think I want it.
Through seeking Him in His Word and during times of prayer (often just me talking to Him), He caused me to really look inward to start focusing on my healing. I had an abusive past, and if there was one thing I was good at, it was picking men who disregarded and abused me. I needed to grow in the Lord, in spiritual discernment, and in the knowledge of my worth and value to God, my Father who loves me.
God took me deep into my past, holding me every step of the way. He showed me how I constantly overlooked warning signs others gave out because I had self worth issues, and He showed me that I always settled. I agreed to do things that I really didn’t want to do because I didn’t believe I deserved better. My “no” was broken – I heard it in my mind but it never came out of my mouth.
This was not a quick work. It’s taken years, and it’s still in progress. “Little by little I will drive them out before you” (Exodus 23:30 NIV). Had He opened up the floodgates of all of my dysfunction too soon or too close together, it would have been too much for me to handle. I wept for years through all of this – These were issues that required lots of tissues.
Over the course of almost three decades, the issues and dysfunctions became a part of me and had made a strong and intricate root system in my heart and mind. A lot of my issues originated from being raised by a disregarding authoritarian father and an unaffectionate non-emotionally expressive non-tactile (non-hugging) mother. Only within the past few years have I discovered that both of my parents had a history of abuse, neglect, and abandonment that greatly contributed to how they parented me. God has helped me forgive them, but what was done was done, and I desperately needed Him to meet me in all the places I’d been hurt and damaged. And He has, He is, and He will.
My first step in preparing ME for my eventual remarriage was making Him the Lord of my life. Since He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life, I know I can’t do this journey without Him. “Jesus Take the Wheel” by Carrie Underwood just started to play in my mind. Yes, Lord, cause Your single mamas to give You the wheel of their hearts. The second step was to ask God to show me all my “stuff” – that stuff about me that led me down all the wrong roads so I don’t take them again. None of us will have dealt with all of our issues by the time we walk down the isle, but we should be aware of them and working on them with God’s help.
Lord, first, I pray that if the single mama or person reading this hasn’t put their heart and lives into Your capable hands that You draw them to You, that You melt hearts for You, our loving Father, and bring Your loving presence right where she is right now. Be more than real to her, Lord God. I pray she chooses path the that leads to You and a life hidden in You with her precious children. Lord, then help her to make choices that glorify You, heal her every place she’s hurting at the pace she can handle it. Lord, I thank You for Your love, mercy, and grace in my life, and these precious lives. It’s in Jesus’ mighty name I pray, amen.
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Daphne, welcome to FaithWriters. I thought this was an excellent, encouraging article. The thing that struck me most was your understanding of God's timing in your life and the recognition that you needed to uncover the reasons for your choices in the past.
May God give you the desire of your heart, and may He use your message to encourage others in similar situations.