I write about it…I make speeches on it...I counsel others in the midst of their challenges. But here I sit in the wake of chaos this morning. Just a few days ago the world was a nicer place for my grandchildren, a stable place in their little worlds. But two days ago, a sudden heart attack whisked their dad away along with the innocent days of childhood. Like many of us who have experienced the loss of a parent, they will face each day as their eyes open with a hole in their heart. They will cling onto my daughter fully aware now that her very existence is no longer guaranteed. One by one she will tell them about their dad and be forced to see brokenness behind eyes that held light yesterday. My nine year old grandson already knows and is more concerned with the sadness of his baby sister who will find out today. As I tucked him in last night I remembered Bruce telling me that Carson’s heart was more centered on how this will affect his older sister as she became aware last night. The two of them have not yet seen other, but today their eyes will meet for the first time since the line of ‘before and after’ was drawn.
My daughter is one of the strongest women I know and there is no doubt that she will prevail…that she will succeed with everything ahead of her…that she will comfort her children in a way only a mother can. But, that is head knowledge…not heart knowledge for me. As I watch my daughter and grandchildren suffer, I am reminded that this is not a broken toy they are bringing to me to fix. I must sit back and watch God work it all out, and walk along side of them. I must become a faithful force instead of a panicked participant in this chaos. I am reminded this morning that God is both interested and responsible for our peace in this season. ‘For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace’ 1 Cor. 14:33.
I must take what I’ve learned from my Father in heaven in other seasons and anchor it in this season. I must remember that my Savior crawled up on that cross in the midst of chaos and triumphed over death and despair. I must claim with authority this same power that raised Christ from the dead, and assign it to my situation. I must walk in the abundance that God promises and provides to us and not buy into Satan’s doom and gloom mentality. He lies, and he lies well but it will be my pleasure to ruin Satan’s day by speaking the truth of God into my situation moment by moment. I will not hand over my faith to Satan and allow him to taint it with his cowardly ways. He doesn’t even play fair and I’m already seeing that in this situation. But I’m seeing it…God’s giving me His spiritual vision to walk around the landmines of Satan. So with confidence in a Savior that saves and belief in a Redeemer that redeems I once again write my letter to adversity.
I write to you not to introduce myself, for you know me very well. You have shown up at my home uninvited and unwelcome during parts of my adult life. You have tunneled through my emotions, leaving them raw and dissected. You have lacerated my heart with no concern of looking back, requiring me to sort out everything with my limited understanding. You have exercised a tremendous amount of power in my life, leaving me feeling like a victim of circumstance.
I write to you today to proclaim freedom! While you have once again taken up residence in my home for an undetermined period of time, my God was faithful in preparing me for your visit. I have been tutored and well trained for this season. I didn’t know when you would arrive, but I knew I would be prepared this time. Welcome to my home; I embrace your visit! I no longer see you as an adversary, but rather as a means to obtain the prize, my ultimate fellowship with Father in heaven, my precious Christ, and my constant Savior. I conclude this letter assuring you that I will strive to be a gracious hostess during your stay and will recognize that the only power you possess over me is what I assign. The power that will hold me during your stay is the power of the knowledge of God and what He will accomplish in me through this season.
Because of Christ, I am.
Please pray for my daughter Kristen, my future son-in-law Matt, Tiffany, Carson and Kherington. God bless you for your prayers.