Today, I have accepted the fact that I'm different. I'm not referring to the difference in culture or race, but to a foreign way of thinking that does not mirror the thoughts of society. Throughout my life, people have always thought there was something wrong with me just because I don't put myself out there, like the other women. They have always told me they thought there was something wrong with me because I was not willing to lay down and 'have fun' with just any guy. When I've struggled with always feeling alone because of how much people, who have told me these things, made me feel alone, I made myself become more open minded, and tried to live life the way people told me it was supposed to be lived.. And that was one of my many BIG mistakes..
There was a phase in my life when I would go out and have fun, drinking with my friends and go home with a guy that I was attracted to, whether or not I knew him or if he was already a friend. And after doing that several times, I realized that it definitely wasn't the way of life I wanted to live because that's not what I consider 'fun'. And after seeing their advice made me feel even more spiritually bankrupt and alone than before, it made me resent my so called 'friends', who, instead of accepting me for the way I was, judged me and incited me to try those things. But throughout the years, I learned to forgive because I knew that my friends had all of the right intentions, even though they didn't give the very best advice. I came to accept that most of them are not very smart, especially after observing how many broken hearts they've suffered and they still think they give good advice about love when they can't even keep the love they have, alive.
I often ask myself if they ever look in the mirror and wonder why their advice doesn't even work for them and for them to consider that maybe, it's best they don't give anyone else advice at all, unless they, themselves, have successful results that show for it. At least, that's what I would do if I was to give advice about something. God knows I wouldn't go to a poor man for advice on how to gain wealth, much less take advice from people who have a terrible struggle with love. And because I don't have much experience being in a relationship, I tell people who ask me for advice about how to deal with their situation involving their spouse or a companion, "Don't ask me because I'm still trying to figure it out how to get involved at all."
I sometimes think it's unfair for people to judge me on the way I think. I don't judge my friends for exploring their sexuality, so, I definitely feel there's something wrong when they unfairly judge me for not wanting to explore those things the way they want me to. I have always HATED myself for doing what other people wanted me to do that went against my better judgment. I know what's healthy for me and what's not, but other people don't, even though they think they do. So now, when friends give me advice, because I know they give me suggestions out of good intentions, I listen to what they say, while internally, taking their words and throw it in the gutters of my mind. Because when it comes to help guiding me to find happiness in life, most people take me down a completely wrong path and I'm fed up with hearing the same suggestions over and over, already knowing it doesn't work after I had put it to the test, time and again. And after hearing last night's advice, I decided it was best to just take God's advice about love and hope for the best.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW
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