When I came out of the orphanage when I was 6 1/2 years old, my life didn't turn out to be a Hallmark type of ending for the rest of my childhood, like the way most children's lives do in heartfelt movies. When I thought that the worst struggle of my life was over, I experienced different types of wounds, things that children shouldn't have experienced until they were adults and I had such a heavy burden on my heart because of these sins committed against me and it wasn't the only burden placed on me, throughout my life as an adopted child.
People may have wondered if God was always with me, why did He allow all those bad things to happen, even after I got to see God face to face? If He cared for me so much, couldn't He have intervened? I admit that there have been people who have come and gone throughout my life, that caused me to ask myself these same questions and it made me very angry, the more my mind dwelled on it. And the more I dwelt on it, the more furious I was, and at several times in my adulthood years, it caused me to throw my faith on the ground, the way Moses did with the 10 Commandments, breaking it into pieces. And when I recall those moments, when I shattered my faith out of anger, I also recalled my beginnings and remembered that, since the beginning, when God first came to me, He NEVER spared me from experiencing heavy trials, not even once. And it made me wonder..
Sure, He could have prevented me from experiencing certain traumas in the orphanage as well as the traumas I endured after I was adopted, but it was through those trials, my faith in God was built because He helped me to survive tribulations as He Counseled me throughout my walk in life with Him. When I see how parents coddle their children today, those who have been sheltered from carrying any spiritual yoke, have NO SPIRITUAL STRENGTH WHATSOEVER. God showed me that tribulations make room for integrity to grow and trials reward individuals with a certain badge of courage that no superior, other than God, can give.
In my dreams, when God takes me to a vault with a see-through glass, inside the vault are treasures I've accumulated and it completely piled up, that it was squished against the glass because I had gained so much understanding. And though in these dreams, I am only a child, I am considered the richest among countless brothers and all of them, who are adults, envied my wealth and they resented me for it. And even though, I was hated and beaten in my dreams by my older brothers, who were well in their adult years and I was no more than 10 years old in those dreams, I was my mother's favorite and she put me in charge of her household whenever she left to do errands.
When God came to me as a mother figure in those dreams, I was always afraid of Him leaving me behind with my brothers as He went out to do errands because they would hurt me while He was gone. But in one of those dreams, He took me to the vault and took two things out: one of the items was a toddler size armor and the other was a toddler size sword and they both looked worn and it also looked as if they had aged. And He showed me that if I was able to fight and succeed when I was as young as an infant, if I continued to suffer abuse in my latter years, I didn't need to wait for Him to return to punish my brothers or make them stop hurting me, because I was able to do it myself. And I guess, it wasn't until after I had these dreams, that I understand it is because God sees me as an experienced individual who is able to overcome demons, that He doesn't need to shield me from tribulation because it was what made me a very strong person in the first place.
When I think about the people that witnessed Christ's departure from the world, I often wondered how many of them experienced the same things in real life as I did in those dreams after my mother had left? I assume that Christ probably didn't worry about those he left behind because, like my mother in the dream, he knew they were able to continue on in his footsteps without him having to be there because they were responsible and very capable of defending themselves against those that hated them. In a way, I understand why people think that God would spare a person from suffering if He cared for them so much. But it's like what Christ basically said, that, when the winds and rain beat against a house built on a strong foundation, it stands firm. And people who have not been spared from tribulations but have survived them, are those God has attested as being a good strong house; for, crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but God tests the heart. Prov. 17:3.
Now, whenever people continue to ask me why God let me suffer so much if He truly cared for me, I tell them the truth, it is because I have suffered so much that He truly cared for me, because out of His concern, He taught me to overcome it.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW
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