I think about the things that people with the eyes to see spiritual things, see. I know they've never seen what I saw, nor do they understand the things I've seen. I don't know what it is that make us different but I have never, to this day, met anyone else who experienced what I did in my early life. I wondered at times, that maybe they weren't able to see into a person, like I was, but only see the things on the surface when they would see the 'colors' of a person's spirit.. But then again, maybe the light from the sun just caused them to see 'auras' around a person, for, I've never seen anything like that and would have preferred to have seen that instead of what I saw as a child.
When I was in the orphanage, after the hallucinations began, I began to see people's eyes change colors and it wasn't like the iris of their eyes would change, I could see their eyes change from dark brown to single faded colors of light purple or blue or even pink and it would be large, like a faint glow with no pupils and this would happen, within a blink of an eye. It always made me wonder what it meant throughout the years, seeing these things and I noticed whenever their eyes would change, their behavior was also different and I knew whatever was causing their eyes to change, had a lot to do with the changes in their attitude.
When I was in my early 20s, reading the bible for the first time in my life, I knew exactly what Christ meant when he said that the eyes are a lamp for the body and if a man's eyes are good, then his body will be full of light and if his eyes are bad, then his body is full of darkness. There was no gift I was more eager for God to take away, than the gift of being able to see the true light in people's eyes. If you've ever seen the eyes of a human being shine darkness, it is true, that the darkness they light, is a great darkness. Whenever I used to see people's eyes change, one common thing I noticed in all of them, was the missing pupils and whenever I would see the eyes that shined darkness, it was like seeing a large round glow of pure black eyes and I saw this in more people, than any other color, but probably because I was in the orphanage and almost all children had this glow in their eyes.
Even after I was adopted, I knew there was nothing to be afraid of, but the sight of it was so unsettling, I would always shut my eyes so tight, knowing it would go away; and after a little while, I would open my eyes again and their eyes would go back to being normal. There is something that God showed me through experience about the eyes that shined darkness, when I was in the orphanage:
Whenever I would see that the siblings that I knew were good siblings, also shining darkness from their eyes like the bad siblings, I remember being confused for a long time, because I knew they weren't evil even though their eyes were very dark. But when I tried to explain this to a nurse (even though I didn't know how to verbally communicate very well at the time), her eyes turned light purple and it was as if she automatically knew what my concerns were and told me that it didn't always mean people were bad when their eyes were filled with pure darkness and that, sometimes, it just meant the individuals were empty of knowledge. Because most of those I saw that had pitch black eyes, were children like me and only in the adults, I would see pretty light colors. When I recall these memories, I realize it was most likely God talking to me through her, because I remember being very confused, trying to understand these strange things I was seeing.
I only remember seeing one adult shining pitch black eyes throughout my childhood, and I just knew it definitely meant they were a bad person, as if it was in my subconscious nature to automatically understand that. But with children, it was impossible to decipher if the glow of darkness in their eyes were caused by ignorance or evil because the pitch black glow were the same in both ignorant and evil people's eyes. I guess even God thought it would help me to eventually answer my prayers of taking this ability away. Because it truly was a stumbling block to me when it came down to me making friends with other children when I came to America.
I didn't want to be troubled by the constant wonder if their eyes shined darkness because they were bad or just ignorant from being new to this world. I remember telling the man that I used to see in the hallucinations I had in the orphanage (who told me that even when I wasn't able to see him, he would always be with me), that I didn't need to see it for myself anymore and I trusted him to always look out for me as he promised me throughout those hallucinations and to help take this illness away (because at the time, I thought it was an illness I was suffering from whenever I would see people's eyes change). And you cannot imagine this feeling of relief that came over me, when I realized it was over and it ended quickly.
I understand now, that it wasn't for my benefit that God caused spirits' light to shine from the eyes of their flesh, but that, it was for God's benefit, to see people for what they truly were, so that nothing is hidden from His sight. Now, there is a difference between people whose spirits shine darkness and people whose spirits are clothed with darkness. It was only until I read the passage when Christ said he would come like a thief in the night, that I understood why God dressed me like a thief in my dreams, whenever I served Him in those dreams. Because when God saves people, He clothes them with darkness to hide them from those who shine darkness and in disguise, we serve God as if we sneak around with Christ in the 12 hours of night, doing God's work.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW
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