I hope and pray that you read this message in its entirety as I have a lot to say. Iíd be lying if I said that no one put me up to this, but gladly that one is our Lord. I know this seems weird that I am contacting you this way. I really donít know how to begin but you have been on my mind and heart for quite some time. When I asked for your contact information, I had every intention of providing it to the ministry leader so that we could send you the prior discussion topics on the days you may be unable to attend. But when I thought about it, the paper that youíd written your information on was nowhere to be found. A few Sundays ago I bought an extra cd of the service because I didnít think I saw you there, and the Lord put it on my heart to get it for you. Iíd thought about your mother and prayed that she would be fully rehabilitated and that whatever rift between you would be mended.
To make a long story short: I HAVE BEEN THERE. For me, May 8th of this year marked 10 years since God saved me. Spiritually, I first gave my life to Christ at age 7, and again about 2years ago, but how He truly saved me physically is what I mean. It broke my heart to learn what happened the other night. I became frantic searching for that paper thinking Iíd left it in my desk because my purse was a literal maze. I could find it nowhere. Last night I prayed that you would have the strength to let go, and let God. I prayed that you were okay and that you did not lose hope. I prayed that God just help me to find your email address or number. I even searched in our employee database and could find no contact information. I finally prayed that you would gain confidence in God and not worry about what people say. I found myself crying out before we blessed our food Thursday night on your behalf. Iíve only recently found myself praying in agony for my family, but never had I done that before for anyone Iíve just met. I had no choice though because I wanted God to hear my prayer that you are not discouraged and that you realize that God never meant love to be painful. So despite whatever all the romance novelists and editors say, the original author gave us the perfect example of love. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is unconditional. God is love. He loves us so much that He gave us Jesus.
First of all, God answers prayers and He hears our cries. Iíve noticed something about our FatherÖ.when we ask for His helpÖHe shows up and He also will teach us how to communicate with Him. Only since Iíve been in communication with Him have I realized what a gift Iíve been given. I used to joke about having premonitions and dreams and stuff back in the day. I used to believe in coincidences, but now I can see Godís divine power in me. I know that He has truly given His spirit of discernment. I notice things lately that I hadnít noticed in the past about people, places, and everything around me. Iím grateful for even having the opportunity for Him to have given me another chance at life. Iím grateful for my children and for them knowing Him intimately even before I did. You can learn a lot from children you know.
My daughter never made a sound amidst the chaos; my son was 4 years old and helpless. I can only imagine him cringing in his bedroom while all the cursing, shouting, and terror ensued. One broken nose, a pair of crooked glasses, a smashed cell phone, a disintegrated glass table, matching blood-stained couch and loveseat, one swat team, a negotiator, and 7 hours being held hostage in my own home gives me a reason now to praise Him! Looking back gives me a reason now to thank Him. I know that despite the physical pain, the emotional abuse, and even the open embarrassment of what transpired, the angels of God were watching over me. My daughter was only 6 months at the time and had been on the very couch in front the shattered table that could have taken my life. She was asleep all the while as he told me to wipe my blood off of his f*@#&* couch. I know now that God held my son in his arms despite his endless tears. I know because Iím still here. I know because Iím here to be there for you. I know you donít really know me and I donít really know you, but I know God can do anything if you have faith in Him. I know now that His ways are not like ours so trying to guess his next move is like playing your first game of chess with a Champion. The great thing, however, is in this game even though you may have no idea what move you should make, while in His presence, you canít lose! Although things look bad, you are playing a fixed game. Youíve already got the victory! Sometimes it takes time and we get frustrated before we realize how He has helped us; usually half way through the game. Is it really much more different in learning to live for Christ? I know from experience that I feel like Iíve gotten in the game late. Now Iíve known of Jesus all my life; grew up in the church. Yet, the sad thing is that I hadnít known Jesus as my friend, my provider, my help, or my shoulder until a little less than a year ago.
I made a vow this year to turn away from everything that was not like Him and to go to Him in all things. Since that time, Heís spoken to me in so many ways. So many things have happened since Iíve allowed Jesus back in. You do realize that despite the fact that we may ignore Him and do our own thing, Heís always there, right? Thereís no hiding from Jesus. Iím still a work in progress but I canít wait to know more about this man who gave his life for me. He did the same for you too. His sacrifice truly is our miracle. Because of His love, we can stand up with our head held high despite what people say or think. Because of His mercy, we are always given another chance. Because of His grace, we survived although we do not deserve it! Donít forget that we are heirs to the thrown. So my sister in Christ, as a Queen in the Kingdom of the Most High, keep your smile on your face and your head high. It gets easier with time and constant communication with our Father. Please remember, love is kind and patient; not full of pride and anger. God is love. Please know that you donít need anyone to complete you but Jesus. He will NEVER let you down.
I pray that you will receive the words that God has given me to share with you and that you be released from the bondage satan is trying use to hinder your God-given potential. Understand that people talked about Jesus and He is perfect, so donít underestimate your ability to bounce back, be blessed, and be a blessing. Know that by writing this to you I claim that you are healed in mind, body, and spirit. Consequently, that I too am healed. Until now, I had not had the courage to admit that the night 6 years ago was not the first time he put his hands on me but I cried on the inside. Pride will do that to us, you know? It can make you lie for 6 years to loved ones so that you donít look like the weak one who stayed despite the abuse. It will make you lie to your friends so they will continue to look up to you for leaving him the first time. It will make you lie to yourself until you believed that there really were no warning signs. Pride is so ugly sometimes that it will even make you think that you did something to deserve it. Itís no wonder that God hates pride. I can finally let go of that pride and truly love myself because God didnít let go of me.
Your sister in Christ
This is just between me, you, and the Lord. God Bless you always.