All our lives we search for unconditional love and acceptance. We look to other people- whether it be your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/friends- for this kind of fulfillment only to be disappointed when we feel what we perceive is rejection. We want to be loved, cared for, understood, thought well of, approved… but our emotions are misdirected. In searching for this type of love in humans, we are destined for failure because they are simply that- human. They cannot give us this type of unconditional love, only God can, and once you begin to see Him as the source of the love that you so crave, then other things cease to matter. God will fill you with His love so much that it will spill over. Others will notice, because even if they are not nice to you, you will still love on them- and they won’t understand it. The only thoughts that should matter are His thoughts because He created you.
Most of us engage in self-talk trying to justify why we are unlovable in God’s sight, and it prevents us from feeling the magnitude of His love. The result of this negative self-talk is that we are telling ourselves lies, and God is saying, “but I love you, anyway.”
Here are examples of common thoughts of why God can’t love us, and what God says in His word.
But I’ve sinned! How can God forgive a sinner?
God forgives you no matter what you have done, and no matter how severe you feel the sin is. In God’s eyes, sin is sin, and murder is no greater than a “white lie”. The fact that you know that you have sinned and feel bad for it, is a good sign. It means that the Holy Spirit in you is convicting you of something that isn’t holy. The Holy Spirit is asking you to turn away from something that hurts God and repent (ask for forgiveness). Once we ask for forgiveness, God is just to forgive us. Better yet, He doesn’t even remember the sin.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1John 1:9
"I, even I, am he that blots out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins." Isaiah 43:25
God does not keep a record of what we have done. Once we repent, it is forgotten. However, it should be said that when we tell God that we are sorry, sorry means that we will turn from sin and try not to do it again. Just because God forgives doesn’t give Christians a free license to go out and do anything that they want because they are forgiven.
What eventually happens with habitual sin (knowing that you are sinning and not stopping but repenting) is that it hardens the heart to the sin, and the sinner is no longer truly repentant because if you were, you would know that your actions are hurting the one who loves you the most, and would turn from it. Remember, God knows your thoughts and your heart. You can’t say forgive me Lord if you are not sorry for what you have done. Then your words have no meaning.
The fact that God forgives us is a huge indicator of the magnitude of His love. People on earth will often judge you, and can potentially hold grudges. At the very least they remember. God, on the other hand, looks at His child, says I love you, and if you are truly sorry, then I forgive you for doing something that hurt me deeply. Better yet, I won’t remember it. I will see you as blameless- still my perfect creation. It will be as if you had never sinned.
“I’m unlovable. No one loves me… No one could love me. People have said (fill in the blank) about me (and I believe it). You don’t know me, and you don’t know what I’ve done.”
This is just Satan condemning you of sin. God doesn’t condemn us, He forgives us because He loves us. Satan will tell you that God won’t forgive you -that your sins are too great- but no sin is too great for God to forgive.
"There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus..." Romans 8:1
Furthermore, who said that you were unlovable? It certainly wasn’t God! God doesn’t see you as too awkward, imperfect, nerdy, uncool, unpopular… etc. He sees you as perfect. Scripture says that we were made in God’s own image, and that God is perfect. We know that God does not lie, so to say that we are somehow flawed is a lie. We were perfectly made. There is nothing wrong with you that could possibly make you unlovable- especially to God- because He made you. He made you to be special because you are not like everyone else. This means that you don’t always think like everyone else, act like everyone else, believe like the others, nor behave like everyone else. To do these things would imply that you are not uniquely created with your own giftings and talents, but to be like everyone else. This would imply that there is nothing special about you, and this is simply false. You ARE special, you ARE loved, and you ARE loved unconditionally.
God’s love isn’t a love that says if you behave then I’ll love you, or if you do this, then I will love you. God doesn’t turn around and say, “Well, you sinned, so I don’t love you anymore.” God loves you no matter what you do. There is nothing that you can do to make Him stop seeking after you, to make Him stop loving you, or to make Him stop wanting you.
"But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners." Romans 5:8
"But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;) And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus: That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus." Ephesians 2:4-7
Furthermore, God says that nothing can separate us from His love;
"For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39
God not only demonstrates His love for us by forgiving us, loving us, and comforting us, but also by defeating our enemies. He “has our back”! Furthermore He PROTECTS you from all harm.
"And the seventy returned again with joy, saying, Lord, even the devils are subject unto us through thy name. And he said unto them, I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven. Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you." Luke 10:17-19
"And these signs shall follow them that believe... They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them..."Mark 16:17-19)
If you look at it, God is our “best friend”. He loves us unconditionally. We don’t have to pretend to be someone we are not, because He knows our thoughts- and accepts/loves us anyway. We can sin, repent, and He not only forgives us, but doesn’t even keep a record of it. We are cleansed as if the offense were never committed.
God sees us as special because we are His creation, and He created us to not be like everyone else. He gave us unique talents and giftings so that we would use them for His kingdom. We are so special that He has a plan and purpose for our lives- we are not useless- there is a reason for our existence.
Lastly, God is our comforter and protector. He will comfort us when we cry out to Him, and even at our lowest point, He is still there right beside us saying, “I love you. You are valuable. You are wanted.” He is there even when everyone else seems to forsake you. Nothing can separate God from you. Better yet, He says that He loves you so much that no harm can come to you. This means that even the plots of your enemies against you will fall flat. God will protect you from harm and keep you safe. This is how important His children are to Him.
It is difficult in the face of all of this information to still believe that God doesn’t want you, love you, or care for you. All of this self-talk goes against what God says about you, or what God thinks of you. If you are feeling unloved, or unworthy, open your Bible and read all of the good things that God has to say about you. Find a local church and stay plugged in so that you can further learn about God’s word and fellowship with others of like faith. If you are broken, look to God for healing and know these things: God loves you, and you are loved by God. He will lift you up and make you whole. He will heal you if you let Him.
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