How To Bag a ProGlow 1500 Barbecue or Cook Out 9-13-2012
Blustery winds and rain banished the last remnants of winter. Tulips were beginning to emerge from the flower beds, and robins were busy building nests, though there was still frost on the windows most mornings.
Aroused, dormant appetites pined for barbecue, and Joe’s was feeling it strongly. The proliferation of cable, digital, and satellite TV offered an abundant selection of cooking channels, which devoted many hours to barbecue shows. Nobody had to do without barbecue, but until the weather broke, nobody could actually serve any up, either.
Rankled by drizzling rain day after day, retail therapy offered relief. What better way to spend the waning days of winter than to prepare for the sublime days of spring and summer? Any respectable man has a decent barbecue set-up, and Joe was looking for the best there was.
Baffling assortments of “have-to-have” gear bewildered and beguiled the uninitiated. Lighter fluid, charcoal, and matches were basics he was familiar with, but the longer he looked, the higher the heap in his cart grew. There were skewers, and internal meat thermometers, and barbecue forks, and mitts, and chimney starters, and barbecue cookbooks, too. Then, he had to think about the food. Did he want marinade or rub? What about sauce? Or liquid smoke? What about the meat? And what kind of grill would he buy? There were tiny little “in the house” electric grills. He barely looked at those. They wouldn’t do at all. Neither would the hibachis. Maybe a kettle grill would do, but those propane grills sure did look impressive. One of the biggest stainless steel models even had electric burners and a warming oven. But if that wasn’t enough to satisfy you, there was a custom design section, where you could have a trailer built to your specifications. A trailer that would be all grill. The catalog showed one grill that was actually a converted private jet plane. Wouldn’t that knock the socks off all the guys?
Economic reality eventually eased the selections. After seeing a few of the prices, then catching his breath, Joe decided that custom grill would have to wait until he made his first million – or ten. When the weather finally let up, he was ready. He decided to go with the biggest stainless steel grill that would fit in his car – the ProGlow 1500. He checked the arrangement of the shelves, to be sure they would be a good fit for his left-handed approach. To his surprise, separated from the high-end models, the ProGlow 1500 was actually quite an eye-catcher. Having made several visits prior to making his purchase, Joe convinced the salesman he might buy at the big box store down the street. Rather than lose the sale, the salesman offered him a $50 discount if he bought it today. Joe walked out of there feeling like he had just returned from a successful barbecue grill safari.
Compelled to flaunt this conquest, Joe basked in the spotlight of several suitably impressed buddies from the neighborhood. Unloading the grill in the front driveway was his “subtle” way of inviting the guys over, and they were quite willing to coach him as he got the thing together. Truthfully, though, Matt is the one who did that, with Joe watching closely so he would know what to do, should something fall off later.
Ultimate domination – utter triumph, awaited only the initial lighting of the flame. Joe felt like he was participating in an awards ceremony as he turned the igniter switch and watched the flames race around the burner loop. Successful ignition was rewarded by shouts of celebration and chest-bumps all around, followed by high fives.
Emerging as the “team to beat” so early in the year, evoked a feeling of euphoria in Joe. He truly felt good about himself. Today, he ruled the subdivision. He had “bagged” a grill, brought it home, and gotten it “mounted” all in one day. Surely he could figure out how to cook on it, too. Joe’s confidence waivered a bit as he gave that some thought. “I wonder where I put those new cookbooks.”