There I was with mouth agape, listening to my good friend as she poured out her heart about her husband and the father of her children.
She went on to state the obvious and not so obvious reasons for her recent reaction to what apparently had gone on for so many years, his selfish nature and unkind attitude.
What I saw was a woman who had accepted (her MAJOR mistake) so many things for so long, especially what she should have refused and blatantly reacted to, from the beginning.
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. … Note that this relates only to a PARENT who is PRESENT!
My friend explained that her ‘husband’ who had for more than half of their married lives, worked far away from home and only dropped by once or twice in a year whenever it pleased him , without informing neither her nor the children about his movements back and forth.
He would simply walk into the apartment, sometimes at midnight or appear at the children’s school without notice coming straight from the airport. No notice, no information whatsoever!
The move in the first place was a decision made solely by him and for him. He would give monetary support only whenever it took his fancy and he only gave a pittance…a drop of water in a mighty ocean of expenses!
“He would buy ‘sweets and biscuits’, sometimes one little gift or the other once in 6 to 9 months and the children would wonder where he is when they had special school occasions, parents/teachers’ meetings et al …”
I asked her why she had never complained nor said anything all these years. She said that she did a few times but he would either laugh it off or wangle his way around the situation only to take to flight from the issue at hand, it was always the same story till she got tired and stopped complaining AND THAT SUITED HIM!
Things went on like this for so many years. She physically, emotionally, spiritually etc. being the ONLY one available for the children from infancy till now. Homework, school work, emotional challenges, life questions, encouraging their strengths and managing their weaknesses just to mention a few of the challenges of the daily raising of children which he has no idea whatsoever about how it functions.
She thought she was being a godly wife but in being goodly she had done many things in an unwise manner allowing him for so long to get away with so many irresponsible acts, but thinking about it now, it seems to be a repetitive pattern in the family…wife abandonment!
She ended her furious outburst by affirming that she believes WHAT HE DOES IS SELECTIVE PARENTING!
I was flabbergasted!
This is so true, some people actually behave like this and the one on the receiving end of this ‘character’ manifestation feels so frustrated in dealing with such a person(?)
Between a husband and wife there are times when one of the two conveniently decides and selects how and what to contribute into their children’s lives while leaving majority of the responsibilities to the other party.
Knowingly or unknowingly the guilty party is a ‘lazy’ parent who lives in a comfort zone and just picks only that which is CONVENIENT in the job (!) of raising the children.
This truly is selective parenting. Selfish, unloving and unkind this sort only thinks about ‘his’ welfare and comfort, he cannot really love anyone enough to compromise (which is what a parent does, ALL THE TIME) and give ALL that it takes to have well rounded and balanced children.
He simply shelves responsibilities at the snap of fingers whenever and however.
Are you doing soul search as you read this?
If not, you need to do, so as not to fall under the judgment hammer of the most High as you will be asked to REPORT back to him just like in the case of the servant with the talents, you would have to say what and how you contributed in the lives of your children.
"...all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them:" (Matthew 7:12)
Ephesians6:4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Titus2:4 And so train the young women to love their husbands and children,
Colossians3:21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.