Psalm 119:59, "I pondered the direction of my life, and I turned to follow your laws."
Nineteen years of age... looking for direction. All of us have been here or will be here at some point. We all come to a place where we decide what road we are going to walk on and what direction we are going to take in life.
A little less than two years ago, I graduated from high-school, and I found myself in a place of trying to figure out what I was going to do from there. The next year brought about many changes. Getting a job, buying a car, taking a semester of college... all of these things became my reality for that season in my life. Last year was a year of massive change, and I look back and see many ways that God grew me during that time.
Once college got out, I had a moment where I didn't know what I was going to do after that. Academically, college was fine, but I didn't enjoy it at all. I didn't feel God leading me to stay there either.
A couple months passed, and I found myself in a relationship I planned to last a lifetime. The ring was bought. My parents had given us their blessing. I thought I'd found the road I was supposed to take... the beginning of a new journey... a journey that would be taken hand in hand with someone I'd soon call my husband. It turned out that wasn't the road I was supposed to stay on, though, and I once again found myself in a place of wondering exactly what direction God had for me.
Once the relationship didn't turn out the way I had hoped it would have, I began trying to find a full-time job. I was offered a position at an insurance company, but the job was based on commission. In addition to that, I'd have to either move away or commute, and this road once again was not what I believed God was leading me to do.
So, here I was. This was my life only a couple months ago. I felt lost and out of control when God began revealing some very important things to me.
When I was talking with my mom this morning, we were talking about how in America, girls basically have two different roads they can choose from. They pick the "career woman" road, or they pick the "marriage/family" road. For the longest time, I was trying to fit into one of these two molds. I never dreamed of being a "career woman". I longed for the role of wife and mom. However, God had another plan for me for this season in life. He gave me a third road to choose from, and that road is the road of surrender.
God began working with me and started laying things upon my heart to do to reach others for Him. There are many things that He is calling me to right now that don't fit what I planned for me, yet I know beyond a shadow of any doubt that I am smack dab in the center of where He wants me today.
If you're out there trying to find direction for your life right now, I just want to encourage you with my story that you're not alone. I don't know what God has in store for you, but I do know that He has a good plan for your life... a plan to prosper you. God created you for a purpose, on purpose. You're not a mistake or an accident, and although you may feel lost, God has you strategically aligned for what He has in store. Don't try to fit a mold that you or anyone else is saying you need to fit. I love what David says in Psalm 119:59: "I pondered the direction of my life, and I turned to follow your laws." Everyone out there is going to have an opinion of what you should do with your life. I've come to find that the only voice that really matters is God's. In the end, we are only accountable to Him.
So, what is it that God is calling you to do?
For me, I didn't fit either of the two molds I thought I needed to fit into. It took me a long time, and I'm still working on this road called surrender. Let me just say that it is a trip worth taking, though. God's adventure for you and me is so much greater that any mold we could ever try to fit ourselves into. He wants us to be who He created us to be.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Life is certainly a journey. I like direction. I like to know what to expect and plan for in life, and yet what You're calling me to is a life of surrender... a life of trusting You. You are wanting me to take my entire life to You and trust that You'll provide my every need. Lord, tonight as I prayed about what to write on, You kept reminding me of Scripture verses such as Psalm 23:5b which says, "My cup overflows with blessings." You kept reminding me of verses which talk about abundance and wholeness. Lord, remind me that only You can truly satisfy. Help me have full contentment in You. Let the only road I ever walk be the One You're leading me on, and help me have peace in knowing I'm right where You want me. Help me be who You created me to be instead of trying to fit a mold. In Jesus' Name.
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