We are so blessed. Today has been a day of joy and gratitude. We made it through the darkest days you can imagine. The fear and anxiety and moments of sheer panic have just rocked us to the core over the past 3 days. Today I could eat. Maybe tonight I will sleep. I got through it with the physical support of our parents and the outpouring of love and support from family and friends. I have never before prayed so consistently or so vigorously. I am so filled with gratitude that my precious angel has such a positive prognosis. Oh sweet relief! He can make GOOD in ALL situations.
Now we plow forward to beat this monster taking up residence in my baby. The reality of what this means is only just beginning to sink in. Fighting cancer is our new life, our "new normal". This will be, at minimum, a year-long battle. It's hard to stomach what my sweet one will have to endure. But we are so confident that he has what it takes to kick some cancer butt! He is such a strong and brave little peanut. We are so thankful for John Ryan, for his life, and for the incredible doctors here at Duke who spend their lives saving the lives of our children.
Tomorrow John Ryan will have a spinal tap and bone marrow aspiration. (They weren't able to do it today.) He won't eat after 4am (his 4th day of "fasting". They call it fasting, though in my opinion, fasting is something one does by choice. I call it starvation and torture for breastfeeding mommy and baby). He will go under anesthesia prior to procedures. These are the final places they will look for cancer. They do believe it is only in the tumor, but they must be certain. He will also have a "port" inserted into his chest. It's an IV that will be in his body during the entire course of his treatment. This is where his chemotherapy will enter his body, and his blood will be drawn. He will start chemotherapy before being discharged. I have no idea what day we will be able to take him home. I have not yet left the hospital and don't think I will be able to. Brandon has spent the past 3 nights on the floor of this hospital room. I spend nights coiled around my baby in his crib until moving to the lazy chair. This is what it means to be parents!
As always, your support means everything to us. We are so blessed and so grateful!
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