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Timothy Pool’s Testimony 8/20/13 This testimony is broad in scope with scattered events orchestrated by God that have altered the direction and substance of what is known as my life. I was raised in a working class, midwestern, old school, Lutheran family which translates into hard work and hard play with not a lot of the touchy feely stuff. My parents were responsible God fearing people who expected me to act right and disciplined me when I didn’t. The only problem was I didn’t want to act right. I desired what they called sin. Needless to say this presented some dramatic scenes behind closed doors. They saw me as the bad seed and i saw them as my sworn enemies. At 17 I graduated high school and 10 days later I shook their dust off my feet and left for the United States Army. 20 months later I came back with an addiction and an other than honorable discharge. By this time I was 19 years old, a seasoned liar and an alcoholic that loved to go and do damage to other peoples property. Being still underage I needed to find a way get alcohol. My friend John just happened to have a fake ID and a car. For the next 7 months we drank, he drove and came home hammered to my parents home nightly. Needless to say this was all bad.Screaming matches became normal between my parents and me. This all came to head on September 5th, 1994 when John ran off the road by himself doing what we had been doing for months. He died instantly when the car landed on top of him. See he was drunk, not wearing his seatbelt and the window was rolled down. He had hit a culvert pipe, the car went airborne and in the middle of a golf course he was crushed by his own car. This was devastating. My best friend died at the age of 20. For years I was jealous he got to die and i didn’t. By this time I was starting to smoke weed, shortly after that I tried acid and cocaine and of course I drank like a fish. By 22 I attempted to take my own life by slitting my right wrist and swallowed what was left of a bottle of painkillers that belonged to my then live in girlfriend. We had a big fight and I threw her out. She came back with the cops. By this time I’m bleedin’. I did my best to cover it up. After the cop left, to my relief, she went into the bedroom and got the first aid kit. She threw it at me and told me to clean myself up and slammed the door and i laid down to die. All this happened while the song “Sanitarium” by Metallica played through my speakers. I woke up the next morning to the sight of blood every where and puking’ my guts out. For the next 15 years I went on a suicidal death mission. I developed sticky fingers, slept with any woman that would have me, roamed the country, tried to work, went to rehab and was diagnosed with 3 different mental illness by 3 different doctors in 3 different states. Either they were all incompetent or I was such a delusional liar thaI I couldn’t keep my stories straight. Whatever the case may be, life was becoming intolerable. Death seemed better. Although I never made another physical attempt the thought of suicide never left my mind. This state of hopelessness brought me to my knees countless times leading to a willingness to completely give up. The weight became too much. I built up my life and blew it up myself one too many times to try again. In August 2006 I went to the streets of St. Petersburg, Florida. At this time I had been spending more time off alcohol and street drugs then on them but I had become dependant on Psychotropic medication like Seroquel, desipramine, risperdal, trazodone and lexapro. This created a false sense of sobriety and temporary relief from insanity but time again I would end up in another mental institution. Having become dependant on meds, I would go of the deep end worse each time. My family gave up on me, though they did their best. Every person I knew wanted only the best for me. I can’t say that I had any real enemies, except me. I was my own enemy. I left Florida on March 17, 2008. The greyhound I boarded had a destination of Los Angeles, CA. I escaped from the detox I was in. I didn’t have to escape but i was so worried someone would find out I wanted to leave it felt like I was breaking out. 3 ½ days on the greyhound later I rolled into downtown LA with 50 bucks and not a single friend or plan. I found King Eddy’s Saloon on the corner of 5th and Los Angeles street and proceeded to get drunk. I found a guy smoking weed, we hung out all day. That night I walked into the Harbor light on March 21, 2008. 5th and gladys was not the best place to find myself. They let me come in because I am a veteran. I went upstairs and offended all my new roommates by taking off my shoes. I was drunk, high, smelly and off my meds for 4 days now. A recipe for disaster. To this day I can’t figure out how i was able to stay sober, off meds and out of the hospital. I fully intended on being in the hospital again. This had become my normal. One week went by, I slept and slept. One month went by, this is weird. I felt like a dead man walking. My brain hurt. Not like a headache, but my brain felt damaged. I would stare off into space and could hold little to no conversation. And then the strangest thing happened, I began to read the bible. Over the years I made countless attempts at following the 12 steps. At various times it seemed i was beginning to have a spiritual experience but full deliverance always seemed just out of my reach. Looking back now, seeds were planted on the footpath, shallow soil and in the thorns. God the great gardener was tilling the soil of my heart. He was breaking ground, turning over the top soil, using his rock bar to remove the boulders of resentment. He used his saw and axe to remove the thornbushes and roots of thorn bushes. He had to break up the clumps of dirt, rake out the dirt and bring in new topsoil in order to have good soil to plant his incorruptible seed. On February 4th 2009 in Phoenix, AZ at a Christian Native American drum circle I had an encounter with God that brought healing, anointing, eye salve to open my eyes, desire, passion, hunger, gifting and His incorruptible seed. From that day forward I have been moving into the prophetic spoken over me “Speak the word boldly with love”. That day I fell in love with Jesus Christ. From that forward He became my Savior and is becoming my Lord as I learn to obey Him. The Holy Spirit has ignited a fire within me. A gift that I now stir up everyday as I truly live out the reality of being crucified with Jesus Christ, resurrected with Jesus Christ and united with Jesus Christ. In other words a ministry minded, born-again servant of God. I am a crumb in the hand of God. We are all crumbs. By ourselves we are nothing but in the hand of God a miracle about to happen. I have been clean and sober and off all meds since the day I walked into the Harbor Light, March 21, 2008. I don’t even smoke cigarettes anymore. Being away from all that for 5 ½ years is a miracle that only the mercy and grace of Jesus can produce. My best effort almost killed me. The old manager has been fired. I am now a disciple of Jesus Christ ready to answer his call immediately with zero hesitation like Paul. God is using my same zeal only now for his glory. Having said all that I do not want to leave you with the impression that all my struggles are over, but the purpose of the pain and trial is different. The old man suffered pointlessly, the new man’s pain is redemptive. I go through alternating seasons of mountain and valley, ups and downs. The Lord will raise me up to the mountain to capture the vision and strengthen my soul in order to send me into the valley to beat the vision into me and weaken me which promotes a deeper hunger which escorts me to a place of humility activating His Grace empowering me to walk closer to His truth and character. My heart cry as of late is for unity in the Body of Christ. Ezra 3 came to me on 8/19/2013 as an example of the power of unity in worship, giving and building the temple. We are living stones (1 Peter 2: 4-12) whom Christ is the Chief cornerstone. The cost of my justification cost Christ His own blood and cost me nothing. This is a gift to me, by grace I am justified by faith. The cost of my sanctification will cost me my old life in order to receive the resurrected life of Christ by grace through faith. These two aspects of Grace are usually misunderstood. 1) Justifying grace is a gift 2) Sanctifying grace is the divine influence upon a person’s heart that empowers them to walk towards what God’s truth demands of Him/Her. By this sanctifying grace we take on the image of Christ being anointed, purified, refined, pruned, molded and shaped. The lifelong process of becoming what God-intended is true repentance. The return to the place of Adam in the Garden, a place of authority over God’s creation, His ambassador who is intimate with His Maker in order to carry out His purpose. In Christ Always Tim Pool 8/20/13
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