If I rename myself Aphrodite,
Maybe then - love will find me.
A new birth of vision, a redeeming of a heart.
One day Love asked me:
Can you give the best of me - are you sane enough to do “we”
She caught me off guard
To think I’m so damn scarred
That all has been distorted, the damage is disproportionate…
Break break break.
Sometimes at night I ache
For contact, touches, whispers and marks
But good Christian girls shouldn’t have these thoughts after dark
I yearn to conquer this Fire between me,
To consider fleshly cravings a thing beneath me
Please don’t get me wrong,
I know what you are thinking:
You think I am preoccupied with that infamous sexual sinning
I believe in self-control, and the power of sexual connection
I believe when we physically unite, we tap into a deeper kind of dimension.
A deposit takes place, two fleshes become one whole
Whatever is in you, leaves a mark upon my soul.
I cannot make light of knowing you deeply,
To connect with you so intimately
So. I will wait for you.
Sometimes I pray for you, and converse with you in my head
Sometimes I smile to myself as I think of you sharing my bed.
I know you’ll be worth the wait
And that God’s gifts are never late
But I’m afraid that in some ways-
You’ve arrived five years out of date.
There once was a man who consumed me
I started to realise that I was forgetting how to breathe
I awakened love before it’s time,
And learnt at last that Christ is the vine
I cut him loose and said Lord, I choose:
To follow you into eternity.
But still. Sometimes I long for him.
I stand before you naked and still slightly ashamed
I know that I know that to follow Christ is gain
But on rainy days when morale is low
The healing process seems unnervingly slow…
You’ll come with baggage- as we are children of Adam
But if you could just go easy on me
I promise to operate in Grace and give to you freely
And maybe just maybe:
We’ll conquer this mountain.
We’ll experience love that flows through us like a fountain.
We unite and be one, whilst singing holy songs
And love will have finally freed me.
Yes, I think I’ll call myself Aphrodite.