Over these past few months i could feel a deep distraught sensation, lingering on my heart that i can not get off my shoulders. Maybe guilt; maybe fear; maybe depression; i don't know, but i do know i have been growing weaker and more vulnerable. Also something has been pulling me closer to the conclusion that God, with all his mercy, love, and compassion, is in the place of changing my life for the better. I have always thought that i was living a righteous and blameless life, until seeing what God can really do, which had brought me low to my knees in humility. I thought i was so strong-hearted, that i could lead my own life, and be the one to help people come to truth; but as always i lose my grip and my eyes open to see that the most i can do for anyone, however the greatness, is just a speck in the ocean wide glory that is the king. This growing feeling inside of me has been growing so intense that its like a war for my spirit. my own desires against the Lords. All i do is take the credit for what God has done in my life, saying its all because of me, my own work and that he is only a small part of what has been done. that's why i am feeling this way; this is him showing me that i am weak and that i can not do this on my own, that i need him to live this life. I am just so weak and i have an intense desire to lead my own life, but God is calling me to hand over my heart to him. Even though my own envy, and other peoples thoughts are telling me to go one way, i will go the path of the lord because he is the path to life, to truth, to everlasting peace. He is the only way to love, a pure love that we all have been searching for. It has been right in front of us, but we with our nature have been blinded by the world and lost our way to life. That's why Jesus came to die. for our sins, and to lead us out of a darkened world into light.