OUT OF MY MIND
I have asked myself many questions and I have often pondered about the purpose of my existence. Was I just a result of a few heated moments of pleasure between two opposite sexes or was I a perfect thought made into man?..........very confusing. So many questions yet with little answers provided.
Somehow in a strange way I believe I was made for a greater purpose far beyond what my mind can comprehend and I was very certain that when the time came for me to fulfill my purpose, I will shine.
I have often opened my mouth and said the words other people wanted to hear, clap my hands the way they wanted and even communicated with my Creator the way I was expected to.
Who had set up these standards? I would ask myself and ponder about it even in my dreams. Why all these unending rules of what I was to be or not to be? Do not misinterpret me, I believe that everyone should be in connection with his conscience and I believe fervently in the commandment of love your neighbor as yourself because it is by it we are being tested of the depth of our love for another person.
Yet I am often conflicted of who I am or who I am suppose to be. “ Maybe religion will answer that for me, God will definitely have answer prepared just for me “ that was my thought ; so I will ask him who to be, how to eat, dress and talk. I mean it was that simple. But then again am I not suppose to be a beautiful creation of God’s design, a perfect reflection of who he is? I f then so, why the constant fear of facing who I truly am? Why the need to be someone I don’t recognize, someone my heart cannot feel?
Alas! It hit me, that it is only when one recognizes and understands the question of who he is and knows what he is capable of, is he truly being able to become the man he ought to be…….good or bad and even God in my own opinion would prefer to work with a man who has come to know his identity and being ready to work on his flaws.
In the end, I am neither ashamed nor afraid of who I am for I had no hand in it but rather I am afraid of who I let myself become.