Hello, My name is Joshua Dykstra. For four years I have been clean from drugs, alcohol, and many other struggles. This is my Testimony.
This Introduction to who I am will hopefully open it up to my many other writings called "Biblical-Thoughts".
Four years ago now I was begging god daily to end my life. Lost confused depressed worthless feeling. Everyday doing what ever I could to get a high or a better feeling for myself. Smoking pot daily, Smoking 2 packs of ciggerettes a day. Drinking with friends, stealing things to sell just to buy more pot. my life was a mess. loosing everything I owned and dropping out of school each day spiraling deeper and deeper into my hole of sin. It seems like right when I thought I couldn't handle it any longer. I began cutting myself, and taking medicine of different types for no reason hoping that one time I may just accidentally kill myself. nothing worked. Praying to god each day that he would just end my life. I just couldn't handle my sin any longer I couldn't face the music of admitting to my loved ones my mistakes.
Just when my life hit rock bottom, and I lost 95% of everything I owned. My parents showed up at the place I was living and told me you have to choices, come with us and get your life straight or stay here and be cut off from our funds. they thought I would be stubborn and stay in my sin.. but the joy I had was unlike anything I felt in months.. the light was shining down into the well of my sorrow and I had people coming to my rescue.
I moved back in with my parents and although I didn't want to admit it to them.. the withdrawal I felt was insane. I couldn't look for a job for a month because there was no way I'd pass a drug test. So for 30 days I hung out at my parents house.. it was then I realized I needed to pick up the bible that had just been collecting dust in my bookshelf for a year. I began to read through it a chapter here of one book, skim through and read a chapter of another. nothing solid enough to call a "study" but it was a small start of getting back onto the path.. than I started going to church more and got right back into that easy feeling of "oh i'm forgiven its no big deal" after not being able to get a job I decided to follow along with my christian friends and try to get a job counseling at a bible youth camp.. my pastor sat me down and straight up told me he did not think I was ready. at first I was appalled and offended but in the end I got to go work for this camp as a maintenance worker for two weeks..
Once I got there however I began feeling compelled by God that he was trying to tell me things and prepare me. Andrew fritz gave me a devotion one night which talked about pride and how pride is one of the biggest things that hinders us from god. and I recalled my pastor saying the same thing.. so I decided I wanted to stay and volunteer the summer for this camp as a worker. and even though it was work and play I really felt like I was doing a good job and God was proud of me. the biggest thing though was my pride over the summer I felt like oh yeah God is using me God is loving me i'm dominating with this doing that.. after Andrew's devotion however things changed. I began to stay out of the camp photos and try to just make sure I wasn't drawing to much attention from God.. needless to say I wasn't to good at it at the time.
I got back home and Pride hit me hard once again. "Surely God will bless me with an amazing job now since I just devoted my summer to him" I thought.. but after a month of filling out 7 to 9 applications a day my hopes were quickly fading.. and right when I felt like all hope was lost, my bills were piling up, the debt collection agencies were down my throat.. I was scared and about to give up. I found a job on monster.com which the advertisement for it was in all caps "CHRISTIAN YOUTH MINISTRY" and instantly I wanted to learn more.
I now work for a ministry that goes into High Schools across the country and talks about drug abuse, suicide, morals, ten commandments, virtue, the constitution, just all these things. and a lot of people in this ministry are just like me. they were into the drugs, they seen the down sides of life. More hardcore than I had but in some essence just the same.
But now I stand outside 12 to 14 hours a day fund raising and ministering to people. and even though its long hours.. Just to have that one person come up and begin a conversation about how there daughter is addicted to drugs and nothing seems to be getting her attention. and to be able to give that person one of our tools to help them. and than to see That same person another day come up and say your ministry's message saved my daughters life. she is checking into rehab and planning on finding God.. It just makes it so much worth while..
Isaiah 6:8 is my new verse imprinted on my heart. because I feel like god called out and asked who will go and tell these people.. and I simply always want to answer him. "Here am I, send me" and this ministry help me to share what happened in my life.. and help others in there's.
I now know that God answered my prayer and ended my life that day.. He came in and stopped the life of sin I was in. and I began my new life in him.
Deer Heavenly Father,
I pray that whoever reads this testimony will be filled with joy and how you have worked in my life. and I Pray that anyone who is struggling with issues in there lives that they will Just pray to you and ask you to end there lives of sin and help them to just focus on you lord. I pray that I will continue to do the works you have imprinted upon me and help me to always do your will.