I watch in silence as flesh is ripped from Your back.
Shame and horror grip me but I do not move.
My hands are frozen at my sides,
And my mouth does not obey me.
I know that I was there that day.
I release my false sense of self-righteousness,
And I admit it before all.
I was there.
I watched as You stumbled under the burden of the cross,
Of my sin.
I watched You drag it up the hill on Your wounded back.
I watched as cold metal spikes were driven mercilessly through Your hands and feet,
As the sky grew black.
I was there and I heard You speak.
In Your haze of agony you uttered words of love,
Begging Your Father to forgive those who were killing You,
Begging Him to forgive me!
You said: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
And as I heard,
I hated myself.
I hated that You were there,
Dieing for me,
Standing beneath You,
Corrupt and unlovable,
I hated that even as I despised myself,
I rejoiced in Your death.
For I knew that You had set me free,
And I know it now too Lord,
I know it with all my heart.
I know that You took all my sin that day,
So that Your Father,
Could bear to look at me in my repulsive wickedness.
I know all of this without a doubt.
I cannot even serve You faithfully.a
My love for You is flawed,
Because I do not follow You.
And for this,
I hate myself,
Even as I rejoice in Your love.
PLEASE ENCOURAGE AUTHOR,
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