In the middle of the silent, dark night I toss and turn in bed trying to make my body relax. I want to fall asleep but there is no way. What began with terrible family news one year ago was followed by a severe and relentless case of depression. The worst part is that, although I have passed the deep depression stage I’m still struggling with its sequels: nervousness beyond reason, uncontrollable anger one minute, and bursting into a laugh three seconds later, not being able to remember what triggered my anger. What has happened to me?
One physical problem keeps leading to another in a chain reaction of terrible bad health. This is beyond my comprehension. What will happen next? What will the doctor find when he does that dreadful biopsy in my neck? I am scared to death, and because my body is so messed up I cannot even cry. “I am afraid”, my thoughts resound inside my head. God’s still voice whispers in my mind, “What are you afraid of?” My immediate response… “Uncertainty Lord, I am afraid of uncertainty”.
In the middle of the night, he comes very close like a father or a mother who sits at the feet of my bed, and teaches me something about Him. I am amazed to discover what is in my heart, “Lord, amidst uncertainty, you are the only certainty I have.” As soon as my own words sink into my mind, every bit of anxiety vanish, “Lord you are in the middle of all this uncertainty. That makes all the difference in the world!” I can feel a smile emerging from my pursed lips. My body relaxes, my mind is at ease. “I am in your hands Lord. Everything will be just fine.” I close my eyes and bless my Father. The night doesn’t seem so scary and depressing anymore...
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