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Letting your heart love again when Hes Gone How to remain dependent on God after the man of the house walks out the door
by Author Carmen Love
04/22/13
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He’s gone. You’re in shock maybe even in denial. Your heart is completely broken. Maybe you had a mutual understanding that his departure would be better for everyone or maybe he just coldly walked away with no explanation at all. Regardless of how he left you are alone now or maybe alone with the children. While the children momentarily distract you from the pain, they can also be constant reminders of the life you once shared with the man you loved as you stare into their sad soaked eyes. And once the kids are tucked into bed and the house is so quiet you can hear a pin drop, you have time to think about the fact that you are really alone now.

Leaving a spouse, and especially to pursue an affair, is one of the most heartbreaking and worst forms of betrayal ever. Jesus also knew he would be betrayed and he also knew it would be someone very close to Him. Yet he continued to move forward and carried out His father’s will. He feels every emotion you are feeling and has already made provision for you. Let’s face it, Judas comes in many forms and there is no real way to always tell what will happen when you trust your heart to someone. However, you can trust in God who will be there to pick up the pieces. And no, no one gets away with wrong doing.

Emotions can mislead you: Learn to separate your emotions from what you need to do to continue your ministry. If you’re a mom, this is your ministry.

Wounded emotions are trying hard to convince you that all of your hopes and dreams left with him when he walked away and your heart feels like it has shattered into a million pieces leaving you wondering what you’re going to do next. One minute you were spending quality time together and being the best wife and mother you could possibly be, and he still walked out the door as if nothing you shared ever mattered. Whether he left in the form of passing into eternal life or voluntarily walked out the door, the pain is unimaginable, and the fear of what to do next is eating away at you night and day causing you to toss and turn.

Never allow your emotions to dictate what the next chapter of your life is.

Never allow yourself to step ahead of God in any way, this can make things worse. Instead, ask God for wisdom and guidance and hold off on making any major decisions until your mind has clarity from God on what He wants you to do. Just ask, He will let you know, and if you hear silence, then wait. A cluttered mind can prevent you from hearing clear direction from God so make sure you fight to keep your mind centered on Him. I usually put headphones on and stream gospel music when I’m down, drowning out the negative voices trying desperately to enter my mind, and before sunset I find myself praising Him. I may be crying in the day time, but I’m full of praises before the night hour.

The Devastation of Loss

You feel so empty inside unto the point where you feel like you have nothing left to give, especially when your children are depending on you for comfort and security. As beautiful as you are inside and out, your self-esteem has been nearly destroyed. You lose countless nights of sleep trying to figure out what went wrong and how this could have all happened. You may even be blaming yourself asking: Was I attentive enough? Did he realize how much I loved him? Was I pretty enough? Did I meet his needs? Is there someone else? And if so, what does she have that I don’t have? Is she prettier? Smarter? More interesting? Your wounded heart just cannot make sense of how a man you have been with that many years could just walk out the door, throwing away an entire history of shared memories, both painful and enjoyable. You just can’t make sense of how he could coldly walk out on his children, forgetting about them as if they never even existed. You have cried so hard you feel you have no tears left to cry and everything inside of you is telling you that even God has forsaken you. This is that negative intelligence using your own irrational thoughts against you, leading you into a downward spiral of depression, weighing you down.

Situations, circumstances, adversities, and trials should not dictate your fate. The truth is that God is closer to you now than ever.

Psalms 34:18 NIV. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

The presence of the lord is surrounding you and the children every second of everyday and He saw the circumstances in advance before it presented itself to you and has already made provision and resolved everything in the spiritual realm. Trust in the word of God and stand on His promises that He will never leave you nor forsake you. Trust and depend on Him, He is always on time. Discouragement is a tool of the enemy to keep you from walking in your intended destiny. Wait on God and He will supply all of your needs. Speak His word over your circumstances and try hard to resist the temptation of speaking negativity, giving the enemy an advantage. Whatever seeds you plant with your tongue, you will reap the harvest. Plant seeds of faith. And most importantly, whatever you receive in your spirit will manifest in the natural.

Make up in your mind that you will rise above this and have the victory.

I grew up in a Christian based household in my earlier years. I had five other siblings and Mom and dad were divorced. The environment was chaotic and abusive and I lived in terror day and night. Oftentimes, I would awaken in the middle of the night crying, scared, and not understanding the reason for the constant bickering between mom and dad. It was very frightening for all of us. Nevertheless, every night mom would gather all of us around her in the living room and read bible stories and sing bible songs. Then she would lead us in prayer as we offered up prayers for the protection of our earthly father. She’d follow up with tickling and chasing us through the house playfully. You should have seen us scramble for hiding places hoping she wouldn't find us and tickle us some more, and when she did we’d scream and break out in laughter. This made me so happy, it took away the sting of the night terrors and this is when I first learned and understood that Jesus’s presence can still be felt in the midst of an atrocity.

Moments of loneliness

I knew that my mother was sad and even lonely at times, but I also knew that she loved God. We saw our mother praying day and night and I witnessed God provide for us in many ways. Neighbors forsook our family and watched mom struggle without lifting a finger to help. Mom was beautiful, single, intelligent, and a huge threat to the married women on the block. However, friends and church family donated clothing, food, and sat with mom to encourage her. I realized as a little girl that we were never alone. Although my childish eyes could not see God, I felt his presence through my mother’s faith, determination and perseverance to remain faithful to God no matter what we were facing. Your children need to see you on your knees talking to God even if you have to do it with tears flowing down your cheeks. They will never forget your pain nor the sacrifices you made and how you chose to turn to God instead of alcohol, drugs, and men for comfort.

Soul mate or Playmate? Mistress vs. Wife There’s a difference between a soul mate and a playmate.

If your spouse or boyfriend promised his heart to you and left to be with another woman, as devastating as this situation can be, let him go. Holding onto to someone that doesn’t appreciate you, or doesn’t want to be with you, will only prolong the healing process for you. And if you are the woman on the side, it is just a matter of time before you begin to understand how his wife feels and the devastation your involvement in something sanctified by God has caused the entire family. In situations like this, no one wins.

Let’s face it, adultery is the number one reason why families are destroyed, and Satan flaunts temptation to accomplish his goal.

Don’t be fooled into believing that he will never do to you what he did to his family. If you are in that role as the mistress, the first thing you need to do is repent, then ask God to redeem you, apologize to his family, and then abruptly end the relationship. Being in this role does not make you better than his wife, but only a partner in sin, and when sin has matured, it leads to death. Spiritual death, emotional death, and even physical death. Romans :23 “For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” It is never too late to leave such situations. Don’t believe the enemy’s lie that you will live happily ever after with another woman’s husband. The sanctity of marriage is nothing to be taken lightly and another woman’s husband is off limits. Be careful of touching God’s anointed.

You’re beautiful beyond words just because God says you are. I know when you look in the mirror you don’t see a beautiful woman staring back at you right now.

Your emotionally clouded lenses are convincing you of this lie. But the truth of the matter is, your man walking away does not define the person you really are. You’re hurt right now and may feel like you’re not beautiful or good enough. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Psalms 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

You are still a bright light high on the hilltop in a dark world, and do not allow anyone to snuff out your light. Remember, when He left, God was still there. When you’re watching television and thinking you’re all alone. He is sitting next to you saying you are never alone. He is there beside you when you’re praying, urging you to lift those hands in praise even though your heart is weary. When you’re crying and feel you can’t go on one more day. God is saying yes you can. When you’re sweeping the floors, cleaning up after the kids, and washing the dishes thinking, here I go another day. God is saying thank you; I appreciate everything you do to bring me glory. When you question what is wrong with you and why he left you, God is saying I love you just the way you are, flaws and all, and nothing can separate me from loving you. When you worry about the children and wonder what their fate will be without dad around, God says, I am their father and you never have to worry about me leaving them. I am their creator, put them in my hands each day and trust that I’ll take good care of them.

No Revenge: Tempting I know, but vengeance belongs to God!

If you’re feeling vengeful right now and believe you cannot help it. Remember, the best revenge for any type of betrayal is not getting even with the person who hurt you, but rather the opposite. Pray for him.

You ask: “Pray for him? Are you kidding me? After what he did to us? Never!”

Prayer and forgiveness does not mean you are condoning or excusing his behavior, it simply means you are no longer allowing what he did to you to control you. As you release him of the wrong doing, not only are you displaying obedience to God but you release His chastisement and conviction on him.

Hebrews 12:15. KJV. Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.

I know you’re wondering if you’ve ever even really knew this person in the first place or why you weren't able to see the signs. You’re in total shock and may even be in denial about the situation, and you’re wondering how you can make yourself feel better besides snacking on high calorie foods, hiding beneath the covers, or telling everyone who will listen what happened. If pulling out the Haagen-Dazs and shedding a few tears here and there brings relief, then by all means go for it. A good bowl of ice cream now and then will not hurt you and crying is a great soul cleanser. Nevertheless, don’t scheme or plot ways to get even with him, and getting into a new relationship to make yourself feel better or as an attempt to win him back with jealousy, is a game which will only make matters worse and leave you even more devastated.

Get out of the house…Please.

Resist the temptation to hide in a dark hole and isolate yourself from people who can help you through it. When lions and tigers look for prey, they sneak up on animals that are weaker, more vulnerable, alone, and not paying attention to their surroundings. Resist the temptation to hide out; this will definitely give the enemy of your soul an advantage over you, to twist the word of God and to play with your mind. The battlefield is right between your two ears. The anger you feel is nothing but energy. It’s what you do with that energy that will make a difference in how your situation turns out. Grief, like any other emotion has its stages and fluctuates from one to another, and trying to rush through the process will only prolong it. Just in case you are not ready to let go of the anger and feelings of vengeance is lingering long. Remember, the best revenge is success.

Begin a daily exercise regimen, put on some make-up, get your hair and nails done, take a class, do everything you can do to feel good about yourself. The next time he sees you, you won’t be walking around in an old leopard bath robe, polka dot pajamas, furry dog slippers, curlers in your head, and dark circles surrounding those big beautiful eyes. With God’s blessing, a little help from the Holy Spirit, and angels all around you, you’ll be the most beautiful woman he wished he’d never walked away from. Make sure the beauty is also skin deep. And just in case God does have a handsome sweet gentleman in mind for you, lurking right around the corner, waiting to treat you the way you deserve to be treated; he’s not going to be attracted to a depressed spirit, curlers in the hair, the leopard bath robe, or the doggy slippers. And if he is, then you better run.

Healing and Special Miracles of God. Years later as an adult, I was faced with similar circumstances as my mother when my husband walked out on me with small children.

Because I witnessed my mother’s faithfulness to God in my early years of life when everything fell apart for us, I was able to turn to God when my heart had been crushed. Watching my children suffer made the situation appear even worse, yet I cried my way to the alter on those darkest days and hopeless nights. After a heavy grieving process I was finally able to move forward because the Holy Spirit was telling me something different than what my husband’s departure was shouting to my broken heart. I made the choice to listen to that inner voice beckoning me to carry on with God’s work and not allow his leaving to become a distraction to my ministry as a mother. The voice of the Holy Spirit was calming and soothing, easier to digest spiritually, and my torn emotions soon followed its lead. God removed the dark spiritual lenses and gave me a brand new pair, and it was then that I was able to find peace in the midst of the storm. The children quickly recovered and life became exciting again.

Pray, pray, and keep Praying.

The more you pray the less advantage the enemy has over your household. When you’re reduced to nothing, God is always up to something. I love you. Be blessed!

Author Carmen Love © April 20th, 2013. Carmenlovefreedom.com

The Holy Bible NIV and KJV.



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