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Abusive Women Why Men Stay
by Author Carmen Love
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Is it possible for men to be abused by women? The answer is yes. There are men who are enmeshed in abusive relationships with woman and remain for several reasons.


The following is a list of some of the major reasons men continue to endure the violence rather than walk away. Men are oftentimes drawn to women who emulate the domineering behaviors of a parental figure in their early childhood years. When a young boy witnesses the constant abuse of a mother towards his father, it sends the message that the best resolution to a problem and keeping the woman content, is to remain passive and endure the abuse rather than leaving. This form of nurturing, although discreet at times, has a negative emotional impact on the child and how he will eventually relate to women in his adult years.


Fathers who coward beneath a daily wave of scorn and fury send a message to their sons at an early age that he is somehow responsible for her happiness. They learn to behave in ways which deter them from rocking the boat so to speak, and as a result, become passive, engage in self -blame, and carry a false sense of guilt and shame into every relationship encountered. They have learned at an early age that the abuse is my fault. As a result, they will do anything and everything to keep her temper tantrums under control and keep her happy. Messages she may spew out when she’s shaking in anger may send an adrenal tide boiling through his blood, but he will sit silently until the raging storm passes through to keep the peace.


Men who endure abusive relationships are more prone to depression. Finding themselves trapped inside a continuous love/ hate relationship they cannot understand nor find the strength to emotionally and physically detach from. The history with this woman is oftentimes the driving force which binds him to the relationship. They have been together for quite some time, and he remembers the woman she used to be. He hangs in there long enough hoping the Real person he met long ago will appear. When her rage touches down on everyone in the home like a tumultuous tornado, he tries hard to calm the storm by physically retreating to a more hospitable place or emotionally buckling under a cloud of complete silence until the storm calms.


 Her rage is sometimes obscured. It’s like a melting pot of anger, pain, and bad memories just waiting for the perfect opportunity to boil over. Once he’s made up his mind he has had enough, she finds a clever way of wooing him into staying with tears, relentless promises to change, and dramatic changes in behavior. However, this brief stage of harnessed anger is not tamed very long, and before he knows it the honeymoon stage is over and he is once again taking cover from the skillet flying across the room, the vicious name calling, and the threats of taking the children away.


Abused men carry the heavy burden of being separated from their children. They are afraid that if they leave the children they will never see them again. The possibility of never seeing their children again heavily outweighs the emotional and physical pain of enduring such abuse. They are oftentimes criticized, demeaned, and made to feel as if they have no authority over their household, making discipline nearly in-existent. Oftentimes, she will persuade the children to hate and disrespect him, by saying mean things about him, resorting in physical aggression in front of the children, or taunting him with condescending gestures and behaviors.


~ How to spot the warning signs of a potential female abuser~


Take time to listen to her family history. Was there any abuse in her household? What kind of father figure did she have? Was her mother domineering? While, not all woman who grow up in these family backgrounds abuse, family history can often reveal dark tales about the future relationship you will have with this person. She’s very pretty and she tells you about her horrible past of men abusing her, and she finds a way of playing your heart strings. This kind of approach is difficult to ignore, especially if you are compassionate and have witnessed your own mother endure the same afflictions. You are more prone to becoming another victim.


There is nothing wrong with empathizing with someone who has had a terrible past, however, this doesn’t mean it’s time to head to the alter.

 You are having a nice dinner; a beautiful woman enters the room. You can see the red horns beginning to form on your beautiful dates head, and the rage in her face is telling you that she is very uncomfortable. Suddenly, she blows up and throws a drink in your face. The next few hours are spent trying to control her temper by convincing her that she is the most beautiful woman in the world to you. She has convinced you into believing that her happiness is based on you dousing the water on the fire of her insecurities. Now she’s content for the moment, and you’re left wondering when the next round begins.


We are not responsible for healing the emotional damage in another person caused by adverse circumstances and bad people. The best thing you can do is to pray, and then love this person¦ From a distance!

 ~ Men who leave abusive Relationships~


  • Have freedom from a vicious cycle of turmoil passed on from generation to generation. But with God's love, healing can take place and you can break free.


  • Are men who have established clear boundaries and developed a higher sense of self- awareness.


  • Will not stand for abusive behavior and will confront the abuser when she is abusive towards him and others.


  • Will make a determination whether the relationship is worth investing more time in, and if not will walk away and emotionally detach from such behavior.


  •  Will look within to determine if their own insecurities and personality play a role in attracting these types of woman.


  • Will make a conscious decision not to allow the vicious cycle they experienced in their early childhood years to continue in future relationships.


  • Will pray, meditate, and ask God to send someone in your life who will lift you, encourage you, validate the real you, and help bring out the best in you. It’s never how a person makes you feel which determines the quality of the relationship, but how you feel about yourself when you’re with her.


  • Will be man enough to self- examine his own heart. Is there any harbored resentment towards your mother? Resentment you may not be aware of? One thing to consider is; we cannot resolve with the person we are with what was left unresolved in our early childhood years. Forgiveness is the key to freedom and experiencing a healthier more productive lifestyle.


Author Carmen Love © January 18, 2012 carmenlove2@msn.com They Loved with a Closed Fist.









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Member Comments
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Anthony Green 12 Mar 2013
Good morning. This is very true. For many years I was drawn to abusvie women because of childhood experiance. Fortunatly they never developed into anything. We see much abuse here toward husbands because of the males being raised by tiger mothers. God bless you.


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