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I saw you in a vision today lying
in your casket. There was no peace,
no peace on your face. Only torment.
Anger. Frozen in death just as it was
etched in life. Rebellious even now.
You, my first-born son, now first dead.
Dead long before you died, you chose
it over life. Your choice. Your choice.
It was always your choice! It never was
about me, but between you and your Creator.
The Lord loved you more than I ever could.
He still loves you, though now you are
beyond Love's reach. He offered himself in
exchange for your life. You hated him the
more because he asked you to choose.
I saw the gift he offered. Silver papered,
gilt in gold. It could have been your
salvation had you but opened it. You never did.
You tossed it in the muck and then jumped in
after it. You were both swallowed up together.
Then I heard the hellish laughter.
I will never stop loving you. You are my son.
My first-born. Bone of my bone, flesh of my
flesh. You could have had it all but settled
for nothing. I will always love you but I
wonder. Did you ever love me? Now I see your
tombstone. It's so unlike the others.
Etched with the permanence of eternity, I read
your epitaph: "No Hope, No Peace." I shuddered
and offered up a prayer of thanksgiving for the
time we had together. My heart ached. If you
did love me I'll never know. Not now. Not ever.
O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom!
Would God I had died for thee.
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Bill, there are so many facets to your writing. In light of your children's writing this is an unexpected depth. My prayers and blessings to you as you use your gift, Sylvia
Bill, So well written. Tears are flowing. My heart is full of compassion for you. The heartache of losing a first born, I can only imagine. We desire that our children choose God, but we cannot force them; only pray. I have three children myself and pray that they too shall come to know Ephesians 3: 15-21 Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen. God bless, Deb
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