Kids & Parenting
“Mommy, You Stop It!”
Never Forget You’re Never Alone
by
Autumn J. Conley
One day, it all finally caught up with me – and what a horrible day it was. I found myself sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor crying huge tears, blubbering and shuddering like a child who’s dreams had just been crushed.
I had been a single mom now for four years, and we had done all right. I worked full time and had managed to scrape by week after week on a secretary’s salary and nothing more – always making way for the occasional small toy or ice cream stops or doll from a second-hand shop for my little girl. I was careful with my money, only buying what we really needed, shopping for all our clothes at thrift stores and yard sales. Oh, just like any person who has cash in their hand, I was guilty every now and then of being not-so-frugal – like the times we ate out or ordered pizza or rented movies we neither needed nor could afford. But still, I was as careful as I could be – paying what I could on the utility bills, the daycare bill, the car payment, the rent, and the miscellaneous groceries, laundry, and household things that came along. And, then, of course, there were the baby showers, wedding showers, birthday parties, and holiday gifts.
Up until that day, it seemed we had just edged by. I never remember starving or going without clothing or heat, but now, I wondered whether or not the heat would still be on in a couple of weeks – or would we even have a home to heat? Were they going to repossess my car? Were they going to boot my daughter out of pre-school? Where was I going to get the $10 for my daughter’s school photos the following Tuesday? Which of the five cans of vegetables did should accompany the last package of hot dogs for dinner tomorrow night? And, how in the world was I going to buy anyone one single thing for the Christmas that was approaching in only a few weeks – especially my precious little girl who had already begun hoping for that magical visit from a Santa bogged down with packages?
The landlord had stopped by just a few minutes ago, asking about the rent that was now five days late. I had known I would be paying it late – just as I had my car payment the week before – but I hadn’t gathered the nerve to call him. As soon as he walked away, I closed the thin front door, took a deep breath, ran into the kitchen in that nervous panic people get when they want to get away but have no place to go, and I collapsed onto the cold kitchen floor, sat in a hunched Indian-style heap, held my hands in my face, and started to bawl uncontrollably until my little girl came stumbling into the kitchen, lured away from her cartoons by her concern for her sobbing mommy. My little girl was only four years old, and smart for her age – but not the sentimental, cuddling mommy’s girl that some children are; so, I was surprised when she ran in to check on me.
As adults, we have the often misguided impression that we can never break down in front of our children. In our attempt to shelter them from all the evil and ugly in the world, we think we have to maintain our composure at all times, and under all circumstances. But, this time, I just couldn’t do that.
God had sent angels many times in my life to help me out of trouble, especially since I had had my daughter. Once, that angel was my grandparents who surprised me with a new refrigerator when mine broke down and gave me a little extra money to buy some groceries to put into it. Once, it was the folks at church who secretly placed several Christmas gifts for me in my car while I sat inside unaware of their kindness. Once, it was a close family friend who graciously and thoughtfully offered to take my daughter out shopping for me at Christmas time and brought the happy three-year-old home with gifts that she picked out for me all by herself. (The Cookie Monster™ soap dispenser still sits in my bathroom). Once, it was the people at Stan’s Tire Center who gave me a few extra days to come up with the $35 for a tire they replaced for me. More than once, it was the people who gave me bags and boxes of hand-me-down clothes for my daughter and my uncles who spent hours under the hood of my old mini-van just to keep it running for another day. And, most recently, it was the Board of Deacons at our church who helped me pay for some expensive dental work that I desperately needed done but couldn’t afford. Yes, God had sent angels, and, now, in this moment of weakness and defeat, I believe he sent this little barefoot, chocolate covered face, curly headed one rushing in to the kitchen.
One of the greatest lessons I had learned in my brief four years of motherhood was that children can often be much wiser than we expect. This was one of those moments.
As I sat there sobbing and shuddering, shaken by the landlord’s visit, and my mind scrambling for any way to make a few extra dollars quickly, my little girl gave me a hug and simply said, “Mommy, you stop it. God will take care of us.” She said this sternly and pointed at me with one hand while placing the other hand on her hip – just as she had seen me do to her a thousand times. She may as well have thrown a brick at me, because it hit me that hard.
Had I spent all this time nurturing her and teaching her to pray when she is sad, sick, frightened, or worried, only to throw my own advice aside when I needed it most? Had I forgotten that God already promised to meet our needs and had proven that promise to me over and over again through all the angels and miracles he’d sent into my life at just the right moment?
So, after a couple more hugs from my little girl, I took her advice. I did stop it. And, we both sat there on that kitchen floor that night praying to the God who would take care of us. And, guess what…He has done just that. And, now, whenever I feel like life is too much to bear, I remember my stern little curly-headed angel reminding me to “Stop it. God will take care of us.” And, He always does.
“He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.” – Isaiah 40:11 (KJV)
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