This piece of literature is in fact completely true and something that makes me look a bit foolish to say the least. But we all have our past and we all fight our own ignorance that we don't realize we have until it puts us into a place we cant escape.
This isn't something you should read if the thought of Hell and demons scares you.
I spent many years trying to flee from God and in doing so I have done and seen many things that most people would probably run from. Then again maybe they would just lose their mind. Who knows I suppose it depends on their strength in themselves and what ever they believe in.
This is my past with a battle that most will never find themselves encountering. Most people will never encounter a demon and most wont encounter an angel. I have encountered both on more than one occasion.
I have dabbled with magic toyed with demons and called upon Satan for strength.
Then had demons torment me for some time. Had angels save me and soothe me. There is so many things in this that may scare you and actually should.
But now I am back to Gods way and that's what is important. For those of you that read this and I scare I do apologize. But if this warning is taken as I hope it will be. Then I have finally Done right by God. If just one person escapes the madness I endured because of my past in this writing. If many are touched by this and therefore saved then I know I have found the path God has wanted me to be on.
So I do pray that one wavering lost soul may pick this up and find God by way of this book.
Chapter 1: My Demons and soul torture days.
At twenty three or somewhere around then I fell into a dark period of my life. I developed a hatred for God and all things good. I read a book on satanism and my life went dark almost immediately. I became so wrapped up in the power that Satan and hell had to offer. I became power hungry and started dabbling in black magic.
With in months my happy positive outlook turned dark and mean. I left anyone who crossed my path feeling dirty and filthy. I managed to become known to Christians and others as Lucifer and Satan. I was pushing everyone i knew and loved away.
The lowest point in my darkness was when I Lashed out with a death curse to a man I worked with. Well luckily I didn't believe in the three fold rule as most do, because that would have been my death. I was tossing curses out like they were going out of style.
One day I found myself face to face with a demon. This evil being taunted me for months. It followed me everywhere. It never harmed me just made my life miserable. It growled at me and put wicked and evil thoughts in my mind.
After months of dealing with this I attempted to send it back to Hell with a chant and some black magic. I chanted for several minutes repeating the chant over and over. When I was done the Demon appeared to be gone. I spent the rest of that night watching out for it just to be sure i didn't mistake its not being present as it being sent back to Hell. To this day I haven't felt its filthy evil presence. So I Have to say im comfortable with thinking it is back in Hell.
A few months later I felt another presence around me. I was unsure of what I was feeling but I felt calm and kind of warm. I now realize that God had sent an angel to comfort me as one of the many steps to bringing me back to him.
This being hovered near me for a few hours. I never heard anything from it or saw it. But with me it stayed for some time. After some time the feeling just vanished.
I spent the next few years fighting with everyone. Not willing to let my guard down and not willing yet to acknowledge God. I was on a mission of self destruction. The deeper I fell into my Darkness and the more I messed with black magic., the angrier I got. I hit a point in my life where I wanted nothing to do with anyone. Not even family or friends.
I secluded myself and locked up all my emotions except anger and hate. Anger and hate powered my existence from then on out.
To this day I still fight the pull of Satan and dark magic. I realize now that the worst addiction one can have is to magic and Hell. Its a search for power and the ability to control ones own life completely.
In the middle of my darkness I had a tattooist put a form of a pentagram on my chest. I believed the pentagram would empower me. I was right. I found myself extremely successful in magic. I was able to do so much through the power of dark magic.
Little did I know I was burning my soul in Hell as I was living. I actually mean I always felt like my soul was burning inside me.
I spent the next years lacking sleep. Always watching my back and feeling like life wasn't worth living. But each day I covered my inner pain with another spell or chant.
I constantly heard voices swearing at me from some unseen person. My mind was twisted and breaking down. Day by day I felt like a hundred pounds was added to my back. My ignorance was pushing me down. I actually felt like i was being pulled into Hell each day.
Over the last few months I had tried to break free on my own. I knew I was basically killing myself. I didn't asked God for help. I felt I did this to myself, I can get out of it. I was Dead wrong.
I brought physical harm to myself during this phase of my life. I would find my mind focusing on things I wanted to simply forget. But daily I would find myself thinking of the very things I was trying to forget. So I started using rubber hoses to whip myself across the back. I found that after two or three strong hits I could focus my mind away from those unwanted thoughts. But the end result would be that by the time the pain wore off those thoughts came flooding back into my memory.
Im by no means telling anyone that this was a good plan. I actually will say that this plan is a very bad idea.
One day I met the love of my Life. As soon as we started hanging out my mind cleared and she spoke of God and church. I attended church with her that following Sunday.
Now God is by my side and God helped me to chase that evil period of my life away.
Chapter 2: The angels who helped and guided me.
I have felt many Angels around me at several different times. Some when I needed them and didn't know it. Others that i prayed to God for them to be sent in the time of need. I actually believe I have a guardian Angel that sticks by my side at all times.
I don't know if guardian angels exist or not but its the only term I can come up with to describe its part in my life.
For those six years of horrible darkness I never thought of or felt this angel near me. Only because I was trying to be evil. But I am almost sure it was there the whole time. The Angel probably is the only reason why I didn't self destruct or actually harm anyone physically.
One day while I was out for a walk A demon followed me. I Could feel its intentions. It felt as if the demon wanted to tear me apart. So I walked faster. The faster I moved the more I felt as if it was going to get a hold of me. Suddenly I felt a loving calmness come over me. For a few moments I could feel both and I knew there was a battle of good and evil happening right there beside me. Then all that was left was the calm loving feeling. I finished my walk after the angel left me. I thanked God for the Angel and the help.
Another time I felt an angel near me. I felt a dark ominous presence near me. I was sitting in my living room when suddenly I could feel some angry demonic being behind me. I could hear a voice speaking in a low angry tone. This sounded like a growl and at times I could almost make out words. I felt as if my blood was boiling and freezing at the same time. I spent the next hour trying to use dark magic to chase this being away. After an hour of chants the thing was gone. I thought I was free of it. But I was wrong a few days later it returned to me at work and this time an angel came to my rescue. within minutes the demonic presence was gone. Again I thanked God and Jesus Even though I was still hateful and very resentful of them.
There was one occasion I asked God to send me an angel. I was working and i felt a very negative and awful presence following me around work. I felt threatened so after trying to will the feeling away for many hours. I prayed for help from God. I prayed for an angel to help me because I was starting to realize there was a demon on my heels. I had many evil thoughts enter my head. I somehow knew the demon was putting these thoughts in my mind. These thoughts were of killing coworkers and many other unnatural evil nasty things. I spare these details because somethings are best not mentioned to and known by others. After a few minutes I felt a calm overcome and surround me. And almost immediately the demonic presence had vanished. I knew God had sent his highest angel to defend me. I thanked God and all of Heaven for the help.
I then started to realize in the back of my mind that I was being ignorant to God. But that was just the planting of the seed I would end up nourishing later down the road.
I could sit here and tell you other stories of God helping me but I think this would be tedious to you and me both. I would rather tell you what I find to be more important. I have learned why such crazy things have happened. God had A very different plan for me than he has for others.
I know now God needed me to learn all I could and go through it, so he had me to write this and teach others about the wickedness I encountered. I learned that the strongest addiction to man is in fact the wicked dark magic of Satan. I was so deep in it all I could feel was anger and hatred. I imagine anyone crossing my path could almost see and feel the fire burning in hell, through me.
I had to go through this so others might read this and learn from me. I still have to fight the pull from the magic of hell. It always calls to me in my mind. I hear in my head come on you know you miss the rush and power you had, the magic will resolve all.
I spent a few years hearing voices in my head and all around me from unknown beings. I even had bouts with not remembering doing things others say I did. I believe I started to develop multiple personalities. I believe I had three personalities at the end of the darkness I was in. I had my personality, one that was purely evil and one that was absolutely Good. I was the balance of the other two. The evil one I called Satan. The good one was my own inner angel. During my balance I was like anybody else. When enraged my mind switched to evil mode and I tore through the world with anger and hate. But after the evil mode the angel side came out to balance me out.
Magic almost killed me when this was going on. But thankfully God helped me through it all and picked me up even though I truly wasn't worthy. So I have to believe God wanted me to do this to help teach others about the things hell will do to make you turn away from God. Above all just how dangerous it really is to mess with the forces of Hell. I found out first hand no one can control Satan or demons. They want you to think you can so they can control you.
I often find myself staring into a mirror wondering about the person staring back at me. There are times I see some unnatural glimmer in my eyes I have to turn away for fear that my reflection will show me something I fear to see. I fear that I will never be safe from my past. I sometimes see someone other than me in the mirror. I feel as if Satan might have changed me enough to ensure he can call me when he chooses. I hope this is just a fear and not the truth. I fight my anger every day because deep down I know that at anytime I will be forced to face that darkness from time to time. But with Gods help I know I can overcome all evil. All I have to do is ask.
Chapter 3 more in depth description.
I am sure to get close to a line with this account but it is in fact the past I am haunted by on numerous occasions. It is all true.
Let me take you back to a very dark time of my life. My darkness began when I was working on a farm in northern New York and I was training in a tattoo parlor. I was training as an apprentice in tattooing. One day my trainer handed me a book called the Satanic Bible. I was not really interested but just had to see what it was about. So I read it anyways.
I know so far this is lacking interest but stay with me and I promise to be far more interesting soon.
I found myself stuck in the grip of Satan for six years six months and six days. Funny how that worked out to be 666. Not actually funny. So Each year was worse than the previous.
I locked up all emotions except hate, lust and anger. I lived my life by these for those years. Drank way too much at the end. Took too much caffeine for energy. I lived by anger and magic for power.
Became possessed and started to lose my sanity. This was my Hell I chose for power.
Year one.
After reading this interesting book I was pulled into it hook, line and sinker. I slowly started to try using magic and to my surprise it was easy. I started with a spell to change the way people viewed me. Well that spell worked real well. So the next day I tried using a spell to place thoughts in other peoples heads. Basically I was using suggestive reasoning but it still worked. I could make my boss think things I wanted him to think.
I used magic and small spells for about a month then someone irritated me, so I summoned a demon up from Hell to torment them. Well this plan backfired on me. There is two reasons this backfired I never used a protection spell on me and I wasn’t by any means supposed to mess with demons. So needless to say the demon then tormented me.
The moment the demon arrived so did many evil thoughts. I was suddenly thinking thoughts that were not of my normal mind. I would have women walk by and all I could think was grab that woman and you can make her do anything you want. I started fighting these thoughts as well as others. Then I had thoughts of killing all the people that were near me. So again I fought the thoughts I was having. This frightened me but excited me at the same time. Still I fought the thoughts.
I tried three spells to chase this demon away. But I still found it tormenting me after the first two tries. I ended up finding one spell that sent it back to Hell.
So For the next few months I stayed away from bringing demons to earth from Hell. I used small rituals and spells to change me and others spells to change other people to my liking. I know I was playing God in some ways. But I did not care I wanted what I wanted and was going to get just what I wanted and think the way I wanted to think.
I used as many as a hundred spells to make me how I wanted to be and think. During this time I ignored God. I was on a quest for knowledge and power. I found the knowledge and the power.
Year two
Well the second year of this ignorant quest of self destruction, I found myself again trying to summon a demon. This time I used a protection spell on myself. The demon did not torment me. But it still was not allowing me to control it. So again, I sent it back to Hell. I studied anything I could find on demons and rituals in hopes of finding an answer to my problem. Never did find an answer that was suitable to my cause. So I finally gave that plan up a few months later.
By this time I was finding myself craving something I was unsure of. I would always be hungry and thirsty. I could not eat or drink enough to stop this bazaar craving. One day I ate medium rare steak. At that moment I knew what I was craving. Bloodwas my craving. I spent the rest of that year eating steaks half cooked.
Near the end of that dark year I directed a death curse toward my manager at work for some petty ignorant reason. Well It did not work like I hoped but it did not backfire either. Probably because I did not believe in the infamous three fold rule like most do. In fact the curse did not work at all to be truthful. By this time I was already basically possessed by one demon. I was under the assumption I was developing multiple personalities but now I see I was possessed. I would become enraged and, the demon would take over I would find myself trying to harm others who I did not like and could not get along with. These episodes were not very common at this point.
As I messed with the dark magic and the became stronger in Satan’s ways. I started having more out of control moments. I found myself almost giving into these thoughts from the demons. I was having trouble sleeping. I started drinking more whiskey to help me sleep. All I wanted was sex whiskey and energy. I was drinking a bottle of whiskey a night and drinking two or more energy drinks as well as swallowing three to five caffeine pills a day. Every woman who I saw I was envisioning with me in the throes of lust. I was sending spells out daily now. I was also now wondering if I could find better source for my blood cravings.
Year three
By now I was into my third year I was eating less and drinking more still. The caffeine was now barely helping me with my need for energy. So I chose to pick fights for an adrenaline rush. But this was a short term energy rush. So I started rummaging through the animal medicines for anything that would energize me. I failed here. So when energy was low I would do a few more rituals to boost me. This plan worked. So I rode that year out with enough energy to thrive but there was a cost. All the caffeine caused my right kidney to quit functioning although I had no idea until three years later. I also found my mind always on the subject of sex and blood. I wanted sex in the worst way. Anyway I could get it. I constantly thought of ways to get sex. So I started using a whip made of a rubber hose. I would hit myself on the back a few times and that helped until the pain passed. Then I would be thinking those thoughts again. I spent the next year whipping myself over and over leaving horrible bruises on my back. Finally I gave that up. But what I did next was not better. I started drinking at work. I was drinking a bottle of whiskey at work a night. I was in a constant drunken haze feeling almost nothing. This only lasted a month. This is when I found out I could settle my cravings with my own blood. I also started hearing voices from beings I could not see. Then awhile later I started seeing weird creatures. My mind could not take this satanic lifestyle I was too deeply wrapped up in. I would see large dogs that were black wandering around work. They were black and so large I could not believe my eyes. These dogs were up to my chest on all fours. I could not see their faces even when they were facing me. They wandered the premisses aimlessly always near me. I would see them night after night for months on end. Then I would see people hovering around me after those faceless dog like creatures vanished. My mind could not take the magic and the constant run in with the occult.
It was around this time I would black out and find myself doing things I had no Idea I was doing. I would find blood on my hands and taste blood in my mouth. I was unsure of where I was getting the blood. I would find myself doing very nonhuman nasty things that I could not remember why I had started doing them. Some things in here I cant say cause they are too personal but in the same sense you really do not want to know everything I had done.
Year four
In the fourth year of my insane darkness I hid from the rest of the world except when I had to be around people. At this point in time I had next to no control over my actions. I found myself to be somewhat of a beast. I was pushing full grown animals around and almost lifting them off the ground. I was brutal trying to force everything and everyone in my path to do as I wanted. I found myself smashing someone I hated with equipment at work.
But I let him out when I realized what I did. Near the end of the fourth year I was so fed up with the same old routine I quit my job and found another job at a landfill. At this Job I thrived with this dark power. I Was a brute with a purpose. I was slinging tires like no one else would. Lifting three hundred pound tires with ease. A month later I was De-rimming tires. My supervisor was surprised I was so fast and good at it. Then I was trained for running heavy equipment. By the end of the fourth year I had been laid off due to weather. The next week I was working at the farm again. Seven months later I quit and returned to landfill. This whole time the demonic voices were in my head almost all the time. I fought them and sometimes I won and other times they won.
This was a daily endless battle. I still refused to ask God for help.
Year five
Now on to the fifth year. All I recall in the fifth year is anger, sex and hate.
The fifth year of this Hell of mine I was filled with anger, lust and hate. I found myself slipping up with sex on so many occasions. This left me feeling bitter and filthy. All year almost daily I would find myself deep in the throes of lust. Then when it was over each day I was sickened and enraged by my behavior.
I was living as if life meant nothing. I was living the dark lustful life. I was willing to do anything for a sick thrill of lust. Many times I had to stay away from the people at work. I had no idea what I might do and to who I might do it to. I was almost living as a beast in the wild. My control was almost gone. Almost covered by the need for energy and sex.
I managed to keep a distance enough to protect the other people at work. I hated myself for losing control.
year six
Now comes the worst year of this darkness. The sixth year I tried breaking free of this darkness. But no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t do it alone. I would push Satan away and the next day I would find myself in the throes of lust yet again . With A woman I did not love or even find an attraction too.
A month later came the phone call, The I am pregnant with your baby call. During this call she told me she was going to get an abortion. She told me she refused to allow the spawn of Satan to be born. She also told me she refused to raise the devils son. But a month later she called and claimed she lost the baby. She claimed she had a miscarriage.
I spent that year trying over and over to get Satan to release his grip on me. I fought and fought never willing to ask God for his help.
The more I fought, the more the demon in me made life worse. I started lashing out more. Then came the attacks from other demons. I found myself running through the barn. I could hear and feel demons all around me. I could feel them breathing down my neck. Sometimes I could feel them on my back literally.
I was in trouble I could not fight them alone there were too many. Finally God saved me from them. This was the end of the sixth year. I still wasn’t willing to look to God.
Six months and Six days
The next six months and six days I started to talk to God. By the second month he showed me my new path in life. He sent a woman into my life a few months later. She reintroduced me to church and God. Since then my life has turned around. A few Days ago was the end to my horrible darkness. I believe God had me go through this so I could help teach the world of Satan and his tricks he uses.
I was lucky to escape the grasp Satan had on me. I could have been killed. I was saved by the grace of God. I have to say anyone crazy enough to get mixed up with Satan may not fair as well as me. I made it through only because of Gods love for me and his wonderful Grace.
I know i,m blessed, God was there even when I was ignoring his calling. Don't take the path of ignorance I chose for six years. Anything God wants from you will be far easier than falling into the darkness of Hells grip. I know now that demons can make you do things and if they choose, they can kill you. But to be honest I believe death would have been better than any of the things I went through. The loss of control over my actions was far worse than being dead.
Remember that there are things I left out that I had done. Things that those vile nasty creatures had me doing. Things that would bother anyone and sicken them. Things of the lustful side of life and things of a truly dark and twisted nature. I often remember other things that I cant say in this book. Things I wish I wouldn’t remember.
There are so many types of demons that you never know the demon you may encounter. Research is the only way to be sure.
Satan wants all our souls but we do have a choice. God will always help all you have to do is ask.
Chapter 4: My Warning to all
So I warn everyone to keep away from anything of the dark side. It will either turn you or kill you if you get involved with it. I dream of those days some nights. I wake up with cold sweats and search the room for any of these demons.
Some nights I see Satan in my bedroom. I know he will try to pull me back to him from time to time. But I still fight his tricks. I know God wants me to stay strong and defeat him on a personal level. So I do everything I can do to defeat his tricks.
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