It was Oswald Chambers in My Utmost for His Highest who said that ‘Our Lord never asks questions until the right time’. In other words He waits until we are ready to listen.
Many years ago, before I gave my life to Christ I used to be a very angry person. I thought that my anger was justified; my father had failed me many times through his abusive nature towards my mother and his neglect for the welfare of the family. Some of my teachers at school were very hostile and later in life the man I loved so much abandoned me leaving me with two small children to look after. At work everyone else seemed to be pushing me around and stepping over me. I was raised an angry child and grew up into an angry woman and no one even noticed it. The currents which were going on deep inside were only known to me. Facially I looked happy and calm, but underneath the seas of anger were raging on.
I gave my life to Christ when I was twenty six years old, and now I am in my fifties. I wish I could say that with my sin being pardoned and erased so did all my deep seated anger disappear. It didn’t happen; I continued to struggle with outbursts of anger even when I became fully active in Christian ministry.
It wasn’t until many years down the Christian ministry that God spoke to me through James 1:20, ‘Anger does not produce the righteousness God desires’. That was when I realised that while the Lord was doing all in the power of the Holy Spirit to build me into a strong Christian woman with a powerful teaching ministry, I was doing all I could to destroy that calling by allowing the spirit of anger to continue reigning in me. This anger, which I had allowed to become a deep well inside me had to be filled up, the way we fill up unused deep wells with sand so that they do not become a threat to passersby.
The woman at the well (John 4) said to Jesus the Messiah, ‘you will not be able to get water from this well, it is too deep’. But Jesus asked the woman to give Him a chance. ‘If only you knew the gift God has for you and who I am, you would ask me, and I would give you living water’ (verse 10). Unless we allow Jesus through His Holy Spirit to work in us and fill up those deep wells in us, we can but only impoverish our Christian growth and witness.
It has not been a fast moving track but I can happily report that Christ has done tremendous work in helping me clear most of the baggage from my past by helping me to forgive, forget and grow in Him.
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