Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-31 New International Version
Remember the old pirate movies where they look through a spyglass. Is that not the way many people look at conflicts? Through one lens and that lens is their own opinion. They refuse to listen to anybody else. They speak, you listen. You speak, they donít listen. It is called selective hearing and is the major problem in conflicts whether it is between parents and children (it is just as important for parents to listen to children as it is for children to listen to parents by the way), husbands and wives, or neighbors.
Instead it is important to look though binoculars to see the big picture. We need to sit down with pen and paper and listen to what the other person has to say and write it down. While person A is speaking person B listens without interrupting and is writing down what is said. This is then repeated with person B speaking and person A listening.
Next try to look at how and why the other person feels the way they do.
If you cannot solve the problem between yourselves it is important to get someone who does not take sides and you both trust to mediate between you. You both agree to the mediatorís decision and act upon it. It is one thing to agree to it, it is just as important to act on it.
I have met many people that it was like talking to a wall. They pretended not to hear what I was saying because they didnít care.
What I have learned is to inform them when they are just as willing to listen as they are to talk, we can continue. Then walk away. I do not give in to them no matter how much they pout like little babies, threaten and whine. Many times that means distancing myself from them. It has cost me many friendships but I am better off without them because they were very self centered and greedy.
Now of course it is different if you are married or it is parents and children living in the same place.
When I was a teacher and a student was naughty I did not scream and yell at them. I would sit them down and talk with them. They knew what they did was wrong. Just be patient with them. Once they admit what they did was wrong then we talk about how they can make it right. After that is settled we work on them making it right. If they were naughty to another student they would apologize to them in class. When they would have a difficult time doing this, teacher was right there softly encouraging them, informing them it was the right thing to do and I know you can do it. Then I would encourage the hurt child to forgive. Teacher would then give them big huggies and inform them he is proud of them. They love and respect teachers like that. I will tell you, the children in my classes were very well behaved. That is why I always got the worst classes. But, in two months there was a complete change.
So too is it necessary for us to do this with each other.
Prayer: Please Jehovah Jireh (The Lord our provider) please provide me to have both eyes open to how to heal any broken relationship in my life. I ask in the name of He who has taught me to have eyes to see Jesus Christ. Amen.
May the sweet sunshine of Jesus' precious love bless you today and every day.
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