H.I V IN MARRIAGE.....DANGER ....BEWARE
by ADEOLU ADEDIGBA
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LOVE THAT KNOWS NO ENDING........AGAPE LOVE
Just after the beginning of floating on air, filled with love, looking radiant and having someone love everything about us we look back and say what happened?
When are are dating ,most of us fails to discuss some vital issues that are so important which needs urgent attention.
Relationships change of course but the one factor we ignore is that when we are blinded by love we do not see possible faults in the other person and vice versa. This is completely natural and when we can understand this and work out how to deal with the small hiccups that come our way we will seal that beautiful relationship full of respect and love that we all desire.
We need to see our patners as equal in business and we should channel there weakness to there strenthgs.
The language we first used when we were getting to know our partner is the language we must continue to use and adapt it to our changing circumstances.We should do the things that we often do before wedding so that the love will keep burning.
The eye glances, certain luring bodily positions that caused excitement, small touches to the arm, or a whisper in the ear,going to fast food joint, going taking ourselves out for picnics,going on annual vacation and so on. We should all as ourselves if we feel comfortable doing any of these things now or is our relationship filled with disappointment and resentment that it feels completely unfeasible to even think about going there?
We should ponder on these very well because it marks the begining of success and failure in our lifes.
We have to put things in perspective. The flaws which we see now were always there and when we say those famous words, ďyouíve changed,Ē itís actually not 100% accurate and it can be the fastest way to destroy the relationship permanently.
No one really wants a relationship to fail unless they really canít stand their partner but as life becomes more complicated with stress from all sorts of other sources itís often easy to neglect the one thing that is the most important. We think they should understand what we are going through, support us all the way, be there all the time etc.
The reality is that we have to make more of an effort to secure and nurture our relationship and show them that they are very important and without their support it would be extremely difficult to deal with outside challenges. Here are two examples of what is said and what should be said. Sadly the first one is always top on the list.
ďYou donít understand me, you are not being supportive, Have you any idea what I am going through right now?Ē
ďSorry to be so miserable and self consumed right now but I do love you and having you by my side is the most important thing in my life so please bear with me.Ē
Understandably it is very difficult to keep communication open when we are having challenges in our lives but if we get it right the security, love and genuine respect our partners will have for us will be truly amazing.
We must take time out to talk to ourselves and even draw up a list of what we like and dislike about our partners and most importantly how we felt at the beginning. We must be totally honest with ourselves and see whether we are being unreasonable.
If we feel the relationship has become stale then probably our partner does as well so itís a very good idea to get them to draw up the same list. When it comes to talking itís extremely important not to be aggressive. It will be difficult to have the conversation without getting heated up but you have to remind each other that if you didnít care about each other you wouldnít be having this talk so itís a huge step in the right direction. Once you have done this once you will find that it will be much easier to talk in the future.
Now here is the key. There isnít going to be a right or wrong in what you discuss because both of you have a different reality of how things should be. When you hear what your faults may be, be calm and take them on board unless you really feel that you are in the right and you can totally exonerate yourself.
Compromise may feel like a dirty word but if you both make an effort to do your best and understand what it is that both of you want from each other it will instantly make the atmosphere better and make room for more communication in a positive way.
On the last note, we all need to treat ourselves with dignity,love and respect and we should unt other as we wants them to do unto us.
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