As some of you may know, I went to Colorado for 2 job interviews late last week. I did so because in order to secure a mortgage, I need to have a job in the location where I'm purchasing the house. Well, I received neither job. One simply didn't invite me for a second interview while the other needed to hire someone before I could move to Colorado. Yesterday, I cancelled the mortgage application because I will likely not be able to secure employment prior to the commitment letter expiration date, August 23rd. I could extend the commitment letter by paying some money, but I decided not to do so.
So, basically, my family's situations looks like this. We signed a contract to sell our place in New York, handed in resignation letters at our respective jobs, and signed a contract to purchase a house in Montrose that we can't buy yet. True, the contract on the house stipulated that we can rent it from September 22nd (it's first date of availability) until November 1st if we can't buy it right away. Other factors also come into play which make our situation a precarious one.
True, we will come away with $100,000 in equity from the sale of our home in New York, but cash will not necessarily last long, especially if certain expenses arise. To secure employment, particularly a job with good benefits, would have been a relief of sorts.
I realize, though, that I've come to trust too much in these things of the world. I find security in a good job, medical benefits, and worldly stability. When I have those things, I find myself at relative peace, but when those things are threatened, my peace is shattered. Discouragement set in strongly when I learned that I wouldn't get either job last Friday.
When push comes to shove, do I trust God? My wife and I decided to take steps to move to Colorado on the belief that God wanted us to move out there. Has God changed His mind, or did we not hear Him correctly? I considered these questions, began to doubt, and started to pray. The answer I received was that nothing has changed. God has not changed His mind.
Rather, he has given us the great gift of allowing us to trust solely in Him and His provision. Has my faith grown so stale that I trust more in stable employment and good medical benefits than I do in the word of the Lord my God? Did I ever trust more in Him than in those wordly things before? If not, then I am merely a mewling infant in the faith, unstable in all I do because I have one foot caught in the world while the other dangles in the heavenlies. In what and whom do I place my trust? Do I actually have faith in God or am I merely playing at faith here? If I merely play at faith, then my world is destroyed by the events of the past week, but if I trust in God then I rejoice for he has given my family the great opportunity of finding my security in Him and Him alone. In the end, I cling to the words of Joshua: "...as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." (Joshua 24:15)
After all, if I can't and don't trust the word of my Lord and Savior, what is left for me?