by Ramona Cook
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Unless you have lived in a war zone there is not a way to understand the constant peaked apprehension used for cautious survival that is felt by those who do live there.
I have never lived in a war zone such as are those in the Middle East today, nor either as have many of our brave Troops over these years of American history when we were at risk from an Enemy Nation. I have lived in a war zone in my home, placed at risk by one who was supposed to love me and to take care of me; and one who portrayed himself to the public as a good upstanding man, he was my husband, father of my children.
Let me say now that there are many qualities and talents that are admirable in this man, but there are some characteristics also that are self-absorbed, intolerable, mean spirited, and ingenuous. I can now stand back and perceive that men of this type are sick, and that there is no reason for hope that they will improve. No reason other than that maybe God will change them. I waited for change for 23 years. It was God Who told me to "change it."
The Church's Standards and my Pastor, and everyone I knew said God would change it. I waited to much ruin of my children in their formative years and almost lost my life in the waiting period. I did lose one of my precious sons to death in that war zone.
I learned that God will change those who have a will to change, but He will not force anyone to change. If there is refusal to repent of their deceitful and hateful abusive ways, then God will not change them; at some point He will judge them, but God does not twist human arms to effect change.
I feel the Church does women and children an injustice to expect them to be submissive to an abusive male just because he is a male. No one has ever given me another reason than that "the man is the head of the house." "Wives, obey your husbands," etc.
Surely a caring, thinking spiritual Counselor could see beyond the easy 'cover patch' they prescribe for what is a devastation of bondage and silenced fear, and for the hopelessness of the broken spirits who suffer such injustices at the hand of one who is supposed to protect them.
My children were never beaten but I was, and in their presence. When a mother does not protect herself, what child can fathom that she will protect them? The witness of such abuse produces fear in the children and a lack of respect for the one who tolerates it, as well as for the one who perpetrates the abuse. It is a wipe out of family values, and a producer of anger in the children.
There are no winners in the toleration of abuse. Everyone loses except the devil who delights in such scenes and in the destruction of persons.
Children from these homes do not know then how to have healthy relationships, even though their heart desires more than anything to have a "Happy Home."
There are not enough homes for the mothers and children for respite and safety. I might add that once in awhile it is a woman who abuses a man, and that is equally destructive to the family. Abuse is injustice and God requires justice.
I encourage all men, women, and children who are being abused to tell it. Tell it to the Church and the Courts. It is so shameful beyond words, that one who is supposed to love you will so violently mistreat you; so then, one waits a long time to make it public, if they ever do. You must tell it and get help. You must change it.
The abuse must be stopped and stopped before death occurs to the physical bodies of those who suffer the horrors of war in their homes; equally damaging is the scaring of psyche and spirit for those children who do not die physically.
The repulsiveness of getting a divorce is a deterrent to many abused spouses; you don't have to get divorced, you must not live in that atmosphere; but if you do get divorced, the marriage vow was broken anyway. Also a divorced person is not under any compulsory law to be married again.
The truth is that those who have lived under the heavy hand of a Hitler type spirit in their Spouse, probably do not find it possible to be married again.
There are other reasons for a one parent family, but spousal abuse and child abuse is more frequent than anyone would like to believe. Whatever the cause, the children and their parent need assistance. It is difficult to provide for and raise children alone.
Therefore, IF there are children involved in this type of situation, someone must provide financial assistance for them. A mother or father cannot work two jobs to keep a home going alone, and give any reasonable time and attention to the children.
There are those who do give aid; find them. I offer the e-address of one group who does:
Is God moving in your heart regarding this type of ministry? If only you could feel the hopelessness for any positive present or future which children from these Home War Zones live with every day, your heart would break. Help wherever you can help.
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