I have been in a spiritual slump for years now. I don't have a church I can attend regularly but I go now and then to a local church in my neighborhood. This makes me feel so alone.
I read my Bible everyday and pray. I don't seem to get much out of it, but I do it anyway. I also read healing scriptures every morning as well. I have some issues I need healing in. So I include the healing part to my day.
But what is making me feel so dead inside? I can trace it back to my husband's death. He went home to heaven in 2003. It felt like the lights went out in my life. I've been this way ever since. I don't have much interest in anything, but I do a lot of things to fill in the days. I'd go nuts if I didn't.
I make little quilts and crochet. I am on the internet a lot and do things on here. I go someplace just about everyday if it's only up town and back. I garden and work out there for exercise. I take walks now and then. I read books from time to time.
I think it must be depression. I don't want to take pills so I have never consulted a doctor about it. That medication for depression only masks' the problem. It don't cure it. I don't want to be taking pills the rest of my life.
So I'm doing what I believe God has instruted me to do. I'm praising and thanking God for deliverance from this and believing for it. I've been doing this for a while now and so far, I'm still the same. I have to say, I haven't stuck with it everyday like I know I should. But it seems like something comes up and I get distracted and before I know it, the day is gone. I lost that day of praising and thanking God like I should have been.
I am seeing that it takes a continual on-going whatever you are doing for God to move in your life. We can't just do what he says when we feel like it. But we have to make sure we keep right at it everyday. It's not easy, because the devil will see to it that things happen to keep you from it. This is when we have to press in and make time for it no matter what is happening. Not easy, but this is it.
I want my love for the Word back. I was once on fire for God and loved to study the Bible and pray more than anything in my life. But that left me when my husband died. Very strange. Would you pray for me when you pray that I will gain back that love for the Word and prayer like I used to have? Thank you and God bless.
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