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A Bear with a Yamukah
by Julie Michaelson
09/09/12
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David
said
to Saul,
'Your servant
used
to keep
sheep
for his
father....
....when
there came
a lion,
or a bear......
I went
after
him
and
smote
him.'
[1 Samuel 17:34-35]
****************
"LORD?"

[GENTLE SMILE.]
"Yes,
Mein kin'da'lah."

"Am I talking to
the Lord......LORD?
Or......Ya know,
the OTHER ONE?"

"There's Only One,
child."

"Yeah, I know.
But......I'm JEWISH.
I was brought up
with the......OTHER ONE."

[SMILE.]
"What was
your question,
Mein kinder."

"WELL......"
(Sip of Gatorade*.)
"The THING about
the BIBLE......"

[NOD.]

"....is that...
not ALL of it..
....is TRUE!"

[NODDING.]
"And,
which Part is that,
Mein kinder."

"WELL."
(Sip.)
"HOW COME
David said...he
slew a BEAR...
when he had never
SEEN a BEAR?"

"Which bear,
My kin'da'lah."

"The bear.......BEAR!
You KNOW: that
BEAR!

"Ah, yes."
[NOD.]
"The one that
he slew."

"YEAH!
The thing IS.....
there ARE no
BEARS.....
in ISRAEL!"

[CHUCKLING.]

"They don't have
any BEARS,
THERE!"

"And.... why
is that,
My child."

"BECAUSE!
It's too HOT!
They wouldn't
have any BEARS,
THERE!"

[PATIENTLY LISTENING.]
[NOD to an angel,
Angel Alfred,
who has just arrived at the Throne Room Door.]

"It's just DRY
and ROCKS! There's
NOTHIN' THERE!"

[SILENCE.]

"Maybe, what David slew was
just a big, rowdy.... CHIPMUNK!"

[CHUCKLE.]
[NOD.]
[Angel Alfred limps into the Throne Room;
he's been in a fight
with Demon Zorteck, from
the Sixth Realm of
the Second Slice
of Slime. Alfred's
left wing is broken,
and there is beige-colored duct-tape wrapped
around it.]

"Are You.....LISTENING,
LORD?"

[NOD to Alfred,
who's not in any
pain or anything,
since wings are a lot like fingernails.
Alfred woefully asks permission if
he can sit out of
Choir Practice, tonight.]
"Yes,
child.
I AM listening."

"BEARS live in,
like, NORTHERN
PENNSYLVANIA!
Ya know: where
it's COLD!
Like, CANADA!"

[PATIENTLY SIGH.]
[STERNLY FROWN
at Alfred, who's
taking out the roll of duct-tape from his gauzy gown pocket
and pulling on another six feet of tape:
it's making an irritating scratchy
sound; Alfred tries
to rip the end off,
but he's too weak
from his fight
with Demon Zorteck,
and so tries to bite
it off with his teeth.]
[NOD to the Guard
Angel, Gitz'zo, who
puts down his sword
and shield, and then
comes over to help
Alfred.]
[SIGH.]
"Child,
all of My Word.....
is TRUE."

"MAYBE!
But......I STILL
say there ain't no
BEARS IN ISRAEL!"

[SIGH.]
[WATCH, as Guard
Gitz'zo pauses as if a
light bulb has gone
off in his halo'ed head, and then
turns around to go back to grab his
sword.]

"MAYBE,
DAVID was SHEEP-
SITTING in another
COUNTRY! DID HE
EVER GO TO CHINA?"

[IMPATIENTLY
FROWNING, as
Gitz'zo is now trying
to break off the
duct-tape with his
mighty-golden-sword
and he can't.]
[SIGH.]
"NO,
My child."

"Ya know.....JEWS
really LIKE CHINESE
FOOD! Maybe, he
was in CHINA, when
he saw the BEAR!"

[BECKON to the
Second-In-Command
Guard Angel, Sitz'ko,
who immeditely pulls
his even bigger silver
and gold sword out
of his faux-leather**
sword sheath, and
walks barefoot over
to come to the aid of
both the skirmishing
angels.]

"WAS HE WEARIN'
A YAMUKAH,
LORD?"

[PATIENT VOICE.]
"Who,
child."

"The BEAR!"

[WATCHING as
now all three of
the angels are
getting their bare feet twisted
up in the duct-tape,
and beginning to
shout at one another.]

"WELL,
if he was a JEWISH
BEAR, he would'a
been wearing a
YAMUKAH!"

[SHOUT.]
[Gitz'zo, Sitz'ko,
and Alfred suddenly
stop, and turn toward the Thrones.
Immediately they hang their halo'ed
heads down, turn
and shuffle out:
pulling and yanking
at the twisted,
sticking duct-tape
wrapped around
their bare feet
and ankles .]
[PATIENTLY GENTLE VOICE.]
"Child,
All of My Word
is.........TRUE."

(Shout at the ceiling.)
"MAYBE!"

[CHUCKLE.]

"I STILL SAY
there aren't no
BEARS in ISRAEL!"

[SIGH.]
[CALL OUT to Archangel Michael,
who is busy fighting over Persia, to immediately fly over to the Throne Room Hallway and free Sitz'ko, Gitz'zo,
and Alfred from their woeful bonds; he also
will give all three
angels a mighty-talking-to, for
being so disruptive
in the Presence of
The Lord.]

[FROWN.]
"Child."

(Shout.)
"WHAT?"

[PATIENT VOICE.]
"You're not using...
good....
English,
again."
****************
Your servant
has
killed
both
lions
and
bears....
[1 Samuel 17:36]

*An empty Gatorade
bottle, bought compulsively, and
then filled with
Orange Crush.
**No animals were
harmed in the making
of this story.

Copyright 2012.

If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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