My dear friends and family,
I would encourage you to prayerfully read and consider the following which I wrote in the still of the night. I would also suggest that if you are able to read it, to set aside a little time in a quiet place so as to fully absorb the spirit by which it was written. This is not a teaching nor a doctrine but rather it is for the simple conveyance of life from the Lord in me to you. May you be blessed and built up in the Lord in the fellowship of His light and life. (Though it may seem to be negative, yet if you will allow, you may see that it is in reality full of light and hope.)
More and more I am becoming convinced that nothing in this world is as it appears to be. The bible warns us about those who take pride in appearances and well it should because these are of all people, most deceived and deceiving. Reality is hidden and shrouded in darkness whereby only Christ may impart the light for walking in and discerning reality (truth). The world is a complex matrix, masterfully designed and orchestrated by Satan and his army to confuse, befuddle, distract, occupy and ultimately defeat and destroy all men. Very few men ever see past the fog of this spiritual battlefield.
For a very brief moment after my being born again I had enough light to see that this world was all wrong . It was as if all things had become new and alive. Unfortunately the world system is designed to capture and ensnare in a non perceptive way so that if we are unaware (as 95% of all believers are), we shall be overtaken and sucked back into the Satanic matrix as I eventually was.
It is nearly impossible to identify and quantify in any clear and concise way. It is in us and it is all around us. It is a concept, it is an attitude, it is an energy or a force that motivates, compels and moves men even to the extent that as Paul said, I find then the principle that there is an entity within me that causes me to do that which I do not wish to do.
Every where we go it is there. We touch it constantly but it is so interwoven within ourselves and our environment we have little or no sense of it. It is darkness and it is death. Even what appears to be full of life in reality is death and only perpetuates the element of death. It is no wonder why Paul said that those who marry should be as though they were not, those who buy as though they did not possess and those who use the world as though not making full use of it. It is also why John said that those who love the world and the things of the world, the love of the Father is not in them.
We have the false concept that everything should be black and white, sinful or not sinful. We wish to believe that as long as a thing is not generally considered “sinful” then it is okay . Marriage for example is not sinful and yet Paul warns not to fully engage and indulge oneself in it. A job is not sinful but it has the power to destroy lives. What is a house and a car but simple things and yet they too can destroy men. Even natural love for others can hinder and destroy as Peter became painfully aware of when his natural love for Christ compelled him to restrain the Lord from dying on the cross.
Only our dear Lord Jesus has ever walked through this world of the valley of the shadow of death and not be touched or effected by it. He hinted at this when He said, “My judgment is just because I do not seek My own will”. It is our natural man which walks exclusively by the soul. Jesus was filled, yes given the Spirit without measure so as to walk by it and that is just what He did so as to have clear vision and purity. This is the realm of truth and reality wherein only God resides. Jesus walked as a dual person (spirit and soul) but always lead by the Spirit as His was a constant walk of the soul yielded to His spirit. Thus He could say, the Father never leaves Me for I always do His will and I can do nothing of My own, and I do nothing apart from the Father and even, I and the Father are one. This is the most beautiful life. It is full of light being fully illumined. It contains and ever manifests the perpetual, overflowing, abundant eternal life. This is the promised land, this is the land flowing with milk and honey, this is the rest of God. This is the conclusion, the mark and the fulfillment of the gospel of God.
This life walks through the valley of the shadow of death being not touched nor infected by it but rather propagating the sweet aroma of life where ever it goes.
Ah yes, this is the life. This is the true reality. This is the kingdom of God. It is in stark contrast to the temporal appearances of this world. We must realize the truth that when and as we touch the things of this world, we literally touch darkness and death and the more we do this the more we are overtaken and consumed by it. It is not because “things” are evil in and of themselves but rather that they reside in the kingdom of the ruler of this world and they force us to walk out from our soul life exclusively. Satan holds the keys to death and this death has it’s mark on all that is in and of the world and our corrupted souls are in natural conformity to this world.
Today my spirit is deeply, deeply grieved. Within my spirit resides the divine life of Christ Jesus, my Lord and it cries out for the mutual fellowship of life towards that same Spirit of Life which also resides within it’s fellow brethren who are in the world. It groans, longing to be fully clothed by Christ and to enjoy His kingdom and all it’s fellowship in truth and reality!
My soul is tired, very tired, as if treading water in the middle of the ocean longing for the firm and dry foundation of the land. This is the result of dealing with both Satan’s world matrix and the people overtaken by it. Men who give way to and indulge therein taking pride in the appearances of these things. Deceiving and being deceived from cradle to grave. They live in an alternate reality vs. the kingdom and reality of God and wish to pull us in.
Now we see dimly but then, face to face. Right now, in the calm and stillness of the night at 3 am, I can see dimly. As the day dawns and the traffic of life resumes the darkness will seek to overshadow and pull me into it’s death grip. But for now, but for a moment I am able to enjoy the peaceful solitude only available in the rest of God, this moment in my spirit.
As the day begins I will be once again faced with the task at hand of trying to turn to my spirit as did my Lord that I may also begin to walk in newness of life as a dual person being lead by my spirit (with His Spirit) so as to see and walk in light. This is the eternal craving of my soul that death be swallowed up by life. My soul is just so tired of the constant bombardment of evil and deception in the world and even , sorry to say, in my self and fellow believers alike.
I have come to realize that very, very few walk in the light as He is in the light so that virtually nothing is as it appears to be. I have come to the conclusion that nothing can be taken at face value whether in words or deeds, whether by believer or unbeliever but that instead, I must seek the inner sense of the Spirit in all things and for all things. For too long have I placed my trust in other men only to be crushed and disillusioned and cast down. My salvation and my glory are in Him alone as from henceforth I seek to no longer put any confidence in the flesh but to glory in Christ Jesus alone. He alone is worthy to receive glory and power and dominion for ever and ever. Amen.